Interview with the Temple Guru….

4comments Permalink 2

The Guru and me looking a wee bit too serious and grumpy in the aftermath of Hurricane Bronzy……

     I often receive emails asking about the Temple Guru.  Tell us more about him, who is he, why is he so handsome and what bars can I find him at???   Well Miranda Kerr, I will not tell you any of these things and will give you just the one warning.  Stay away from my Guru. I know he was most likely the reason for your break up but he is far too dedicated and in love with me to give you a second thought and the tattoo of you on his arm is almost gone with the laser treatment.

Anywho for all my lovely reader friends I tried to get the inside scoop on him in a impromptu interview with the man himself.

Tamzen Temple:  Hello Guru.

Guru:  Why are you saying hello?  You just gave me a kiss and said good morning five minutes ago.

Tamzen Temple: Yes but now I’m interviewing you for the Temple.

Guru: Ahhhhh great. Yep, just what I feel like doing on this Sunday morning.

Tamzen Temple:  So Guru.  How are you feeling about the world today?

Guru:  Um well there are dishes everywhere that appeared from nowhere.  It’s been raining for days so our lounge is full of clothes hanging and Hurricane Bronze had demolished any area that was tidy.

Tamzen Temple: And this bothers you?

Guru: Well, let’s just say most Temples are a little tidier than this on a Sunday.

Tamzen Temple: Yeah, agreed.  But what do we do?  We could loan him out for the day.

Guru: Not a chance.

Tamzen Temple: OK, back to the interview. Now how do you feel about being the partner of an incredible Temple Queen like myself?

Guru:  Are you serious?

Tamzen Temple:  I know. Take your time, this answer requires deep thinking as not many can fathom the absolute honor of being in your position.

Guru: Do you think 9.30 is too early to start drinking?

Tamzen Temple: Are you avoiding answering?

Guru: Not at all.  I just have an enormous urge to drink and do the housework at the moment.

Tamzen Temple: Ok I’ll do the lounge, you do the kitchen.

Guru: Sounds great.  Just stay in there and I’ll see you this afternoon.

I don’t know why the Guru avoids my interviews.  He is rather an interesting character.  He is a rough and rugged tradie that rearranges the furniture to create better Feng Shui.  He folds the clothes perfectly yet finds it impossible to pick up his dirty socks.

He very rarely takes the bins out, mainly because he saw the episode of Underbelly (for my international friends it was a series about the underworld of Australia) where  a crim got shot doing that same task: So to play it safe from any of his dark past he says it’s safer for him not to do this ever.  (Bin nights allow hitman to know exactly when to make a hit)

The Guru also refuses, or chooses to ignore that we have supermarkets in the world and may only venture to one a couple of times a year.  He is ignorant when it comes to supermarkets and thinks that the food he eats just appears in the cupboard or fridge.  Yet he always asks for random things like special puffed wheat cereal  or magic berries with heaps of antioxidants and jam doughnuts. Contradiction Guru!!  (BTW If you want these special foods go shopping yourself!!)

He wants to be an actor, or should I say, he is one and the neighbors must sometimes wonder about our lives when he screams lines from the Godfather or Taxi Driver.

Oh I pray for my lovely Guru that George does the right thing and makes a final gesture of peace to us by calling Micko the Guru for Ocean’s 14.  We also hope that our Temple may one day be tidy for more than ten minutes.

Ommmm and Peace from the Temple xx

How messy is your Temple? Scroll, scroll down to let us know your comments.

 

guru

 

Me and The Guru on a picnic relaxing a few years back before

Hurricane Bronzy arrived.

 

We got bragged about. Click the pic below to see where.

http://www.braggables.com.au/temple-speaks-us-ommmm/

 

Copyright and Disclaimer

This was a Minterview

Where For Art Thou? Jack’s Moustache

0 Permalink 1

The Guru’s Uncle Merv was visiting last weekend sporting a dubious new moustache. It was a poor effort and he asked if I could clipper it off.  I eagerly agreed and clipped it away quickly before he changed his mind.  I was sweeping it up and about to put it in the bin when this strip of hair began to speak to me.

Mo:  Hey don’t do it Tamzen Temple.  It’s me Mo.

Tamzen Temple:  Hey Mo, we meet again.  When will you learn?

Mo:  Never!  You should know I will always return to haunt you…..

Tamzen Temple: Anywho, what’s going on?

Mo:  Not much at the moment now that you’ve removed me.  I’m currently in between jobs.  Before Merv I just finished up a stint with some guy Jack.. We didn’t really work well together toward the end.

Tamzen Temple: Really why not??

Mo:  Well, he thought he looked cool but in all honesty, he looked better without me.

Tamzen Temple: Ya think? Actually if it’s the Jack I know I agree totally. It was actually me who encouraged him to get rid of it.  Sorry I mean you.

Mo: Yeah, I didn’t want to say anything as I needed the gig but I looked crap on his face and it became obvious that he was using it as a means to pick up chicks. He did ok, but it was more of a novelty to get them there.  Like they would come up and say, “cute mo, I wonder what a kiss feels like??”  Then they would giggle, he’d take over with a few cheap lines and I could help him no more.

Tamzen Temple: Chicks like moustaches? He’s only like 20 years old, aren’t moustaches made for older people.

Mo: Listen, that’s discrimination. We don’t like to leave anyone out, young or old, male or female.  Remember your great aunt?

Tamzen Temple: Which one?  Oh, do you mean Aunt Shezza? Yeah, I used to run for the hills with that fuzz on her face. Scared me to death when she tried to kiss me with a mo and whiskers.

Mo: Yep. My bro spent his last years there with her on her upper lip. She did everything from waxing, plucking, shaving, laser and electrolysis to have him removed but he was one hard worker.  He stayed ‘til the end.

Tamzen Temple: Right…. Thank goodness that’s dead and buried.

Mo: What your aunt?

Tamzen Temple: No your brother.

Mo: Heartless Tamzen Temple.  What you have to remember is a Moustache is like a badge of honour.  These young ones grow, or try to grow us, and think they’ve made it.  Each hair has to be earned with experience, without that you have some spindly fluff that makes them look like a try hards.  The mo does not maketh the man it only maketh him look more distinguished, wiser or ridiculously silly depending on the effort age and charisma the maneth haseth.

Tamzen Temple: Strange but wise words Mo.

The last time I saw Mo after that was when he stole the show at Eurovision winning with his friend Beardy.  Of course Conchita Wurst helped with his and that elegant black dress and freaky singing. Ommm, peace and love to all the Larry, Curly and Moes in the world from the Temple xoxxo photo (3) I often have to head out disguised as I have Temple followers chasing me asking me for advice.  Sometimes I just want to be anonymous.  It’s a burden and a blessing I wear being so wise and generous with my guidance.  I ask you this, if moustaches were colorful would we love them more??? And do you think I am unrecognisable or drawing attention to myself by wearing a green moustache???

Photo credit:   Albin Olsson: View photo source HERE

Copyright and Disclaimer

This was a Minterview

The Temple embraces all things hairy be it a moustache or beards and respect any hairy or no hair choice each person, male, female or hampster makes.

We got bragged about: click pic to read more

http://www.braggables.com.au/temple-speaks-us-ommmm/

The Rock: Dwayne Johnson vs Micko the Temple Guru

3comments Permalink 2

Last Sunday, on a mini holiday in Sydney, the Temple Guru  and myself went to the supermarket to gather some supplies. He wondered off at the registers, probably to search for that elusive jam doughnut that seems to now be extinct, (according to him)  but returned when I was loading myself up with green bags to head back to the car.

As always by this stage I was in a bit of a  fluster with three year old Bronzy  chatting up the cute sixteen year old cashier whilst pushing every button on the eftpos machine and a pushy old man trying to hurry me up from behind.  The Guru returned and I threw him  a twelve pack of toilet paper and launched  Bronzy onto his shoulders picking up the rest of the bags with one arm while the other became lost in my oversized bag searching for the keys.

“Mummy. What am I doing up here?”  Bronzy asked.

“Just stay there and hold on mate, ‘til we get to the car.”

“But Mummy…”

I looked up at Bronzy who seemed higher than usual then down at the Guru’s face.

He looked at me with his head tilted sideways and did his signature single eyebrow raise like I was asking him for the world by him doing the mundane that I do each week.

“Guru, just help me would you?” I said frustrated  giving him the keys.  I’m certain that he thinks that toilet paper just appears on the roll delivered by the Temple Gods.

We walked a little and made it to the car.  He popped open the boot and I took the toilet paper off him throwing it in.

He sounded different.  “What are you talking about, Guru?”

I looked again closer, “Oh, you’re not the Temple Guru.  Mr Johnston! You’re the Rock…..”

“But who is this Guru you’re talking about?”

“Oh he’s my lovely other half, my partner in crime, Micko,.  You look kinda alike actually, I mean obviously a lot a like or I wouldn’t have thrown my child on your shoulders.  Only he’s more handsome and now I look closer, you’re probably twice the size of him. Are you from a paranormal giant land that creates huge beings with big guns and handsomeness?”

“No I just work out.”

“You know, I’ve always said to Micko the Temple Guru, if anything should ever happen to him that you’d be the only replacement that would match up in handsomeness and personality.”

“Why thanks, but  I’m happily single at the moment I’m purely concentrating on my career.”

Bronzy was playing the drums on his shiny head as he stood oblivious.

“Oh don’t worry, he’s not going anywhere and he’s the only Temple Guru for me. You two have a lot in common though: You’re both bald.”

“Yeah, I know that I’m bald, thanks for stating the alarmingly obvious.”

“Bald is good and you’re both way to handsome to have hair covering your domes.  You both have lovely olivy skin, actually who says olive, I mean olives are green aren’t they and you or the Guru are not green.  So I suppose you and he  have a deep, rich latte complexion, probably more a mocha tone. Then there’s those arm, you both have muscles but I see know yours are freakishly massive.”

“I’m all natural.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you are. You and the Temple Guru are both born in May which means you’re both Taureans, perfectly matched to Capricorns like myself.”

“How do you know when I was born?”

“Well if you are to ever replace Micko, I had to do my research and make sure you were the perfect star sign for me.”

“Like I said…..”

“Actually if you are looking for love, I’ve got the perfect girl for you. There’s a Temple Queen across the seas named Mariam.  I’m not sure what star sign she is but she is stunning, super intelligent and has a multitude of skills such as a being a beauty expert, studies law and writes.  She’s amazing. She lives on your side of the world so the location for love would be better you know, filming schedules, across the seas oh and I’m Ying and the Guru is my Yang so don’t ever think you’d have a chance with me, just ask George.”

“I totally wouldn’t think that or want that and well as I said, I’m quiet ok on my own.  But thanks and who’s George?”

“Don’t worry about him.  Tell me, what are you doing here in OZ anyway?  Ohhh  that’s right.  I read you’ve been filming an earthquake film here in Oz.  How’d it go?”

“Yeah, not bad….. hang on a minute.  Micko the Temple Guru. Hey  he’s the guy that originally got the role I’m playing but he’s agent said his schedule was too busy. Something about some crazy Temple woman and him having to serve her every need.”

“Yes he does look after me well. Some say I’m a little demanding but it takes a lot to run a Temple but the real deal breaker was we checked and  his stars weren’t really aligning for stardom the week the shoot started,  so we allowed you to take on the role instead as we checked and they were in perfect formation for you.”

“Oh, I see. Yeah, right. Strange but you Aussies are a bit of a crazy bunch.”

‘”So what else have you done since being here?”

“Oh not much. Just filming mainly and the gym, work on these machines.” (flexes his muscles) “I’m also here to promote my other film, Hercules.”

“Sweet.  Hercules, yeah, I’d say you’ll pull that one off, convincing I’m sure. Hey, ya gotta see some of our animals.”

“Yeah I actually wanted to get to see a kangaroo or one of those bears.”

“They’re not bears they’re called koalas.”

“Yeah, oh they are pretty cute their little fluffy ears and all. Hey don’t tell anyone I said that right!! I have a tough, rugged yet soft suave image to uphold but not a fluffy loving bear one.”

“I promise I won’t. I’ll even organise it for you. I have friends everywhere.”

“Thanks Tamzen Temple.”

“Ha! I knew it. You knew my name.”

“Ok, I’m a fan. Ommm and Peace.”

“Hey that’s my line. You Rock, Dwayne Johnstone.”

He removed Bronzy from his shoulders and walked away giving Micko a high five as they passed.  It was only the next day I realised he must have taken one of my bags and left one of his instead.  I am looking a lovely shade of mocha coffee with the fake tan that he purchased and left with me and I’m sure that cucumber peel and pink nail polish of mine will work a treat on the Rock.

Peace and OMMMMG he is as lovely in person in every way from the Temple

Copyright and Disclaimer

This was a Minterview

Photo credit of The Rock : Instagram:   therock  

Factual Friday: I can, I will, I won’t.

6comments Permalink 1

At the Temple we don’t like to use negatives, like ‘I can’t cook,’ we’d much rather look at the positive and say ‘I’m great at eating.’  Another example would be saying “I have no fashion sense and can’t coordinate my clothing,’ instead I would say I love the color black as it goes with all the other black things I have, black is truly a great look.  However there are times we just have to admit that some things are a certain, and we don’t believe this is  negative but rather a chance to embrace the obvious. So here we present Factual Friday.

Things I am certain will never happen.

  • I will never appear on Masterchef, My Kitchen Rules, Iron Chef,  The Voice, X-Factor, or any other reality show that requires any level of cooking or musical talent.
  • I will never be the Prime Minister of Australia.
  • I will never be a Victoria’s Secret Angel.
  • I will never play  in the Soccer World Cup, Super Bowl or AFL Grand Final.
  • I will never take a liking to oysters, anchovies, jelly or yoghurt.
  • I will never be a tightrope walker and if I ever did I would never do it across Niagara Falls
  • I will never smile at a crocodile because they freak me out.
  • I will never believe that anyone is more handsome than Micko the Temple Guru.  Xxx
  • I will never grow a tail.

We also take time out everyday to be thankful for all we have. Here’s my list.

  • I am thankful for the Temple Guru, (Micko) and our son Lebron and my stepson Jordan. (and the whole rest of my family and friends)
  • I am thankful that I am warm and safe in my home each night with food to fill my belly.
  • I am thankful that  I am having so much fun creating all these ridiculous scenarios in Tamzen Temple and to be getting great feedback from my lovely followers through emails and comments.
  • I am thankful for all the exciting possibilities that await me.

So thanks to all. I am absolutely so lucky to have you all follow me here on my blog, I truly cannot believe how fast my audience here is growing. (also thanks to my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest followers)

I will do my best to keep you entertained and would love to hear more from you in the comments section and I’d love to hear about you and any great stories or ideas that you may want to see here at the Temple.  (tamzentemple@gmail.com or private message me on Facebook)

Ommm and peace from the Temple.

Xx

PS What are you absolutely certain of? Keep scrolling down and comment as I would love to know on this factual Friday.

Copyright and Disclaimer

 

Soccer Ball photo credit: openclipart.org view orginal HERE

Crocodile image wikipedia.org view original HERE

Angel4Credit: Snapographic view original  HERE

 

 

 

 

Manners left at the Station: Why Wednesday????

0 Permalink 0

Heading to the city the other day I noticed a heavily pregnant lady standing in the hall of the train and then make her way awkwardly down to sit on the carpet.  I couldn’t believe she was in full view of passengers and no one had offered or was offering her a seat.The Temple mantra of staying calm does not apply when there is someone in need.

“Why don’t you ask someone for a seat?” I asked.

“It’s ok. I’ve only got one more week before I finish work, I’m telling my boss today that I’ll start later as the next train isn’t as busy.” She replied.

“No it’s not ok.”  I stood at the end of the carriage. “Pregnant woman here, anyone got a seat they don’t want.”  They looked down to their phones, tablets, newspapers, books and laptops or just to their feet and closed their eyes pretending that this makes you unable to hear.

“How bout you non-gallant suit man?” I hovered above him as he typed frantically.

“Oh I’m an executive. I’m far too busy to stand; This way I get an extra hour in.”

“And you? Overmade, overtanned chick?” She looked at me angry that I interrupted her nail filing.

“With these heels, no way.” She answered chewing like a jersey.

“Hey you, teacher,”  I made eye contact,  “You’re sitting there with ten teenagers taking up seats. How about you recommend one of them stand up for her.”

“I’m here to teach them history, not manners.  I have enough on my plate and if they’re sitting at least I know where they are.”

“She can sit here.” A voice from behind me called. I turned to see a fragile, snow headed lady slowly rise.

“Listen grandma, you have not lived through a war and raised ten kids to give up your seat. No you don’t move an inch.” She backed down thankfully.

“Hmmmm. Ok you’re sitting in the special requirement section for people with disability or illness.”  He wore sweatpants with a multicoloured shirt, seriously wrong in itself.  “Do you have either because you look ok, but I could be wrong and don’t want to make assumptions that you are ignoring the rules to give up your seat for someone who needs it.”

“Umm no but I had a big night last night and seriously, she choose to get knocked up and should live with it.”

“You’re mum would be proud freak.  How ‘bout you?”  I asked a mid twenty guy with a suit probably rising in the corporate world.

“Nah, I heard her talking once. She’s a feminist so as far as I’m concerned she can stand like a man.”

I took a deep breath and held my hand by my side to stop myself from slapping him.  “Are you listening to yourself because if you did you would be hearing the idiot I’m hearing.”

“Excuse me, you’re a mum.”  I’m sure to win here. “ Do you think your toddler can sit on your lap to spare up a seat.”

“Well no sorry. You see it’s his first train trip and I want it to be special.”

“In peak hour? Don’t you remember being pregnant?”

“Yes I do but I was at home where I belonged. Not working.  If she loved that baby she would be where she belongs keeping house not  putting her unborn baby at risk.”

“She’s not sick she’s pregnant and she’s entitled to a career. Maybe with that attitude you should be home baking cakes then and not travelling alone with a child. It’s not 1872.”   I looked at the pregnant lady with her head down embarrassed that I had made a scene and continued.  “You are all selfish freaks with your heads in your phones and covering your faces with newspapers, decoys to decency. I know you can see her but you are suddenly all blind, this is a mother to be carrying the most precious cargo. “

Still nothing.  “Is there anyone here that is willing to let a heavily pregnant woman have a seat? Anyone?  I can’t believe you lot, you’re a bunch of freaking morons. How can you all go home knowing you’ve CHOSEN to ignore this woman. Played dumb by hiding in your technology?”

A young man caught my eye and removed his headphones. He’s wearing a hoodie and was unshaven.  He stands to reveal his jeans are almost to his knees with his underpants peeking out.

“Here”, he calls.  “Hey, here.”  He points to his seat. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.  My mum would kill me if she knew I didn’t offer my seat to a knocked up chic.”

“Thankyou” the pregnant woman said.

“No worries. Didn’t see you. Was having a nap with my music pumping.  Saw no one else up that end was offering, BUNCH OF FREAKS.”

He walked off heading to another carriage.  “No worries at all.” Then he said louder on his way through, “All the suits were too busy on their technologeee to notice a pregnant lady on the floor but they all noticed the sure to be trouble hooded bandit.”  He looked back and winked at her.

The carriage looked up to see who the rant was coming from and quickly put their earphones back in their ears or their heads down not to look at their phone or computer screens but to think about the pregnant woman they ignored, probably for only a few seconds before they forgot.

 

This is a minterview prompted by years of seeing manners on public transport being left at the station.

For copyright and disclaimer information click HERE

Photo credit By Pablo from Granada, España (Urban Girl) Click HERE to see origninal
Passengers_ready_to_board_a_train_in_Blue_line_of_Lisbon_Metro

Chris Martin Uncouples the Truth To Tamzen Temple

0 Permalink 0

The Temple as you know, is everywhere, we were even at a hotdog stand a couple of months ago in the UK while we were catching up with Kate and Wills to congratulate them on little George.  BTW, he is divine but whilst I was on my way to the underground to catch a train I got a bit peckish.  There was this guy there that looked strangely familiar scoffing down three hotdogs with a thick shake like a starving coyote.  I could not let this opportunity get away and it changed the course of his life.  Here is what happened.

Tamzen Temple: Hey you’re Chris Martin.

Chris Martin: Yeah, that’s right. I am me.

Tamzen Temple:  Wow, my name’s Tamzen, great to meet you. We at the Temple love you, we love, love, love ColdPlay.

Chris Martin:  Cheers…..  The Temple? Oh wow, you’re Tamzen Temple.  Unbelievable, wait until I tell the band this one.  I can’t believe I’m meeting you.  You inspired me to get my life together Tamzen Temple.

Tamzen Temple: Really? How so?

Chris Martin: I woke up a few weeks back and thought do I really want to keep going along the same path with someone who won’t even let me have a French fry?

Tamzen Temple: What never?

Chris Martin: No Never!  I’m just trying to work out how I make to make the changes I want, the final break from Gwyneth and saw on your Temple site how you just told George firm and I realised that’s it.  I have to move on.  Me and Gwyneth are no longer meant to be.

Tamzen Temple: Oh, it’s that serious is it?

Chris Martin: Hell Yeah.  It’s all about HER career, HER three bean salad, HER GOOPY GOOP, HER ridiculous quotes, like ‘the rock talked to me’ and ‘told me to teach others’.  Once you start rolling your eyes at the one your with, it’s probably time to move on.

Tamzen Temple:  I’m sorry to hear that, but if you’re no longer fulfilled and have talked and tried to fix it, then maybe it is.

Chris Martin: Yeah, I just don’t know how to end it. One of us has to make the final decision, the big announcement.

Tamzen Temple: Just whatever you do don’t write it is with great sadness that we are parting ways, we still love each other but feel at this time it is best we live separately and pursue other interests.  Our main aim is to provide a safe and happy environment for our children……. DO you celebrities just have a stock standard template for breakups?

Chris Martin: Seems that way doesn’t it.

Tamzen Temple: Look I think, in Gwyneth’s defence, she’s just got things a little mixed in her head.  She does seem to be living in a bit of a Urownis world.

Chris Martin: How so?

Tamzen Temple: Well when I experience something new, I see it as a chance to learn more.  I realise how little I know about the subject and my assumptions before become void when I realise there’s so much more to know that what I first originally assumed. I open up to the universe to allow others to enter to tell me how it is, not assume I know it all like the GP does.

Chris Martin: Like what?

Tamzen Temple: Like Gwyneth, your beloved, has a child and becomes an immediate expert.  She’s not alone, most celebs do the same thing.  They know the best thing for them and all other children. Like what to allow them to eat, to only let them watch TV in Spanish and choose nannies who are bilingual, retired chefs who worked for the KJB to make sure these kids are ninjas in all areas.  Or how she came to the UK and immediately fits, which is great but then she shuns her homeland patriots for being too emotionally immature compared to the Brits. She is in her own world and not that of the mainstream so it’s a bit hard for her to fully understand where others are coming from.

Chris Martin: Yeah, she does tend to open her mouth a little too quickly.

Tamzen Temple: And that’s not a bad thing to be that confident and sure but I think you need to find a way to part that’s new, and in her head make it sound like it’s her idea.  I met Gwyneth a while back and she’s all cool but she’s a cashed up hippy who thinks she can show us all the way.

Chris Martin: Yeah so?

Tamzen Temple: I think you two just blended together, she even said so back then. ‘Oh Chris and I just blend like a beetroot and celery smoothie.’ Tell me, how did it all begin with you two?

Chris Martin: I dunno, it just happened, we just unconsciously became a couple, we hung out, she stayed over and before we knew it we had two kids.  I didn’t even realise fully until now, I woke up the other morning, Gwyneth was doing Yoga on the balcony, Moses came in and said Mum can I have an Apple in French and I thought, this is F%$#%.  Who are these people?  I mean I love the kids but she’s gone: a flipped out egg and quinoa salad.

Tamzen Temple: Tell her that.

Chris Martin: I can’t Tamzen Temple, she  goes to a zone if I use any negative words with her.  Like break up or separate, they’re either too negative for her or too common.  Even if I say the milk is empty, she comes out with, ‘no Chris it is a vessel waiting to be filled.’ Ahhhhh.

Tamzen Temple: Just keep it positive then, disguise it in a rainbow way.

Chris Martin: True, how ‘bout this. I say I am venturing into my own mind and want to explore the inner being of myself by transferring my mind and body to the east wing of the mansion. We stay living together, pretend everything is normal, because that is Royal way, we’ll most likely we’ll get back together but at least I can have some space from her nagging to clear my head.

Tamzen Temple: So you’ll say, ‘we are parting?’

Chris Martin: No part would be too permanent for her.

Tamzen Temple: How bout split,

Chris Martin: Hmmm banana split? She only let me have the banana, not the ice-cream and topping.

Tamzen Temple: Think Chris, it’s not the time to think about desert. Oh!! Desert her.

Chris Martin: I’m not leaving my little Apple and Jesus.

Tamzen Temple:  It’s freaking Moses Chis, your son is called Moses, not Jesus.  Just think.  Just go the whole divorce, get it over with.

Chris Martin:  No, I’ve already said, that’s to final, not just yet.

Tamzen Temple: Waddabout sever ties?

Chris Martin: We have kids, we are tied for life because of them.

Tamzen Temple: Far out this is a way harder than I thought.  OK you said you just unconsciously ended up together.  What if you turned that around and consciously made a decision to part.

Chris Martin: Yeah, that sounds a bit better but the whole part thing, like I said, she won’t go for it.

Tamzen Temple: Oh she sounds impossible, no wonder you’ve had enough.  How ‘bout you tell her a rock told you to unlink from one another?

Chris Martin: No, the kids thinks she’s nuts enough without them having to deal with their dad listening to the wilderness.  Hmmm unlink, connected together now not, sort of like trains uncoupling.

Tamzen Temple: That’s it.  I can see it now, Chris and Gwyneth: It is with great sadness we consciously uncouple.

Chris Martin: Tamzen Temple, now wonder people turn to you for amazing advice.   I truly think she’ll so go for that one. Consciously Uncoupling. I’m soon to be free.

Two days later I Gwyneth released her statement on her website GOOP that Chris and she were Consciously Uncoupling.

I smiled with a little sadness knowing it was me who helped set him free.  The Temple prays that Gwyneth thinks before she opens her mouth.  She is proof that even with all the superfoods and ancient grains she puts in, trash can still comes out.  We do hope she and Chris work it out.  I felt there was still a strong love and although they need this uncoupling time we at the Temple believe they will find one another in that big house and realise that each isn’t so bad but instead that all relationships evolve and grow  with a bit of sunshine and space. Chris, open up to the universe and realise there is never just one wrong party in a break up, we hope you find what you’re looking for and chances are it’s Gwyneth.  We all should speak up sooner if we’re not happy and things could have been saved.  We hope all these star couples who work apart for extended periods find a balance and keep things in perspective.  A word of advice Gwyneth, just let Chris do his thing, don’t become a Yoko and we know you are extremely talented in acting and not a bad singer we must say, but take a leaf out of the Guru’s book.  He is rather talented in many things too but gives me the space to do my thing and supports me through knowing I will do the same when his time comes.

Ommm and peace from the Temple.

Copyright and Disclaimer

This was a Minterview

To read my interview with George Clooney, Click HERE

Chris Photo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Martin

Gwyneth Photo:  AndreaRaffin2011.jpg

Interview with a Really Inconsiderate Person (RIP): Why Wednesday???

6comments Permalink 4

I know it is hard to believe but we at the Temple cannot answer every question. Sometimes we sit thinking why, why and why again.  Human behaviour intrigues me and why people behave a certain way outside the norms of society sometimes astounds me.

There are some things that are strange but we can somehow find a simple explanation.  Take  the  movie, Mulholland Drive.  It was possibly the worst, tripped out movie I have ever seen. The simple explanation to this is everyone involved was on an LSD trip from start to finish.

Other things leave you wondering, scratching your head.  Unless Gwenyth explains how she stewed up the name Apple for her daughter, Michael Jackson rises from beyond to reveal just why he called his son Blanket or Lil’ Kim can convince us that her newborn daughter Royal Reign will grow into her regal role,  we will never know why they have subjected their children to a lifetime of taunts.  Maybe to toughen them up, we just don’t know and may never know.

Today we want to address strange yet sometimes common occurrences  that cannot be explained.  So we begin Why Wednesday.  Maybe you can enlighten us and guide us to the answers with our first WHY???

Here’s an interview with a Really Inconsiderate Person (RIP) and we hope after reading it you can share your experience and enlighten us to the answers. (Keep scrolling all the way down to leave your comments)

Interview with a Really Inconsiderate Person. (RIP)

Tamzen Temple:  Hello…….. Hello………………..Excuse me, I said hello.

RIP:  Yeah what?

Tamzen Temple: Ah well you agreed to be interviewed to explain your rudeness.

RIP:  Yeah whatever.

Tamzen Temple:  Ok a question. Why do you ignore people? You know a simple hello goes a long way.

RIP: I say hello to people.

Tamzen Temple:  Not all, actually only a very select few. The rest you stare blankly at and ignore their hellos to you. I’ve had you say hello to the person I’m standing next to and completely ignore me even when I have said hello.

RIP: I just haven’t got the time.

Tamen Temple: What for one extra hello?

RIP: That’s right.

Tamzen Temple: But these are people you work with, that you see regularly in a small environment. Don’t you feel a bit rude?

RIP: Maybe I’m shy.

Tamzen Temple: Crap, I have found shy people usually come around and end up developing positive relationships with those who have made the effort.  You are just constantly rude and really there’s no real reason to do that.

RIP: Maybe I’m too good for you all.

Tamzen Temple: Um we are all together in this group, equal. What makes anyone higher in rank to show rudeness? I couldn’t care if you were the Queen, I would expect basic consideration.

RIP: Look, obviously you have issues. Get over it.

Tamzen Temple:  I am over it; in fact I don’t really care.  I only say hello now to annoy you knowing I won’t get a response. It actually makes me a little sad that you’re missing out on getting to know the great people that are here just because you are rude. I would say you are probably unfulfilled in life and full of toxic negatives.  I feel a little sad and I’d like to help you find inner peace but have decided you are no longer worthy of entering my peaceful zone.

RIP:  Like I said, whatever freak.

Oh help this rude person overcome their ignorance and all they miss out because of it. I’m sure you have all met or associated with one of these beings and they have been sent to challenge us.  The Temple has this rule: If you have tried six times to engage with someone like this and they continue to ignore you, you have permission to pretend they no longer exist. (Any more than this you will feel humiliated and like an idiot that you continued trying and may start to envision yourself throwing them onto a busy highway or lacing their lunch with laxatives and we would prefer these RIP not bring out the dark side in you.)

This may sound Untemple like but we’d rather you invest your time to those of value that deserve to know the great person you are.

Ommm and Peace from the Temple.

xo Tam

This is a Minterview

For copyright and disclaimer information click HERE

Braggables: Wow Thanks Heaps

3comments Permalink 4

Bragging at the Temple

We’re rather excited here at the Temple this week.  We just got bragged about by the one and only Braggables.

Braggables do a shout out to all the cool, new things that are going on. (Hmmm didn’t think I was that cool and well, I’m a little older, but who am I to argue with these great people?)  From products to people, movies to fashion they brag about the things they love that they feel are bragworthy.

Braggables is the go to site to see all the latest of anything be it homewares, events and people.  Luckily for me they considered me braggable.

http://www.braggables.com.au/temple-speaks-us-ommmm/

Tam is a talented, witty & quirky writer, who possibly

lives in another world that the rest of us are

accustomed to. But she knows this.

She isn’t sure whether she is talking from

experience or dreams. Either way, we love her….

Click HERE to read the rest of Braggables interview.

  We wanted to say thanks. It’s great to get positive feedback, comments and now with this from Braggables, makes us feel extra special and that we are heading in the right direction. So to Braggables.  Thanks heaps.

What is the Temple Guru saying?????

0 Permalink 1

Wadda? Temple Guru is silent.

Just what is the Temple Guru saying?

Oh me, oh my. I made a big Temple mistake. The Temple Guru asked me to film a short show reel to send off for an audition and well…. I just got distracted by how incredibly handsome he is that I forgot to put the sound on. 

We hate wasting at the Temple so we thought we’d ask you: What do you think the Temple Guru is saying?

I’m sure it is: Tamzen Temple, gosh you are truly amazingly talented and the light of my life and who cares if Miranda Kerr is single, you are and always will be the only Temple Queen for me. 

I actually think he is saying… “I have no idea about that Tamzen Temple as she writes insane things but is trying to spread an awesome message.”

Head on over to our Facebook page and leave a comment, Oh and like us while you are there.

We’d love to hear what you think Micko the Temple Guru is saying. Give us your own version…

Maybe he’s saying..”Do you know where my socks are..?”

Ommm and peace from the Temple xx

Copyright and Disclaimer