Oh Google, we need to talk you see I have a habit of typing faster than my fingers will take me and they get all tangled up with the words coming out wrong.
I usually just go back to the word document, right click correct all the underlined green and red. This routine allows me to get the thousand thoughts in my head on screen before they disappear from my brain.
When I’m on the web however, in the internet search bar, this happens even more. I get lazy and want him, my friend Mr Google, to just know what I’m talking about.
All these cookies, saved searches when I type in ‘Hotmail’ should be enough. We’ve had a long relationship Googs and if you don’t know what I’m looking for by now you never will. I’m contemplating checking out old Yahoo because of this.
I’m not one to save tabs. I’m sure it’s easy enough but I instead just type ‘hotmail ‘ in routine, knowing or hoping that Googs will know what I mean, like a good friend should. Sometimes I leave out letters because surely he knows what I want. Right?
Googs, why did you lead me to find some lovely people called Hotma?
Now I know there’s some Hot Mas out there, Angelina Jolie is the absolute Hot Ma, but I don’t need to know about the other Hot Mas of the world. I really don’t need to know about the Malaysian cafe called Hotmas.
Or the reality show in Indonesia called Hotmas. Now I have a yearning to learn this other language as I’m intrigued and really must know as I only watched a bit and not being able to understand it lead me to forming all sorts of crazy ideas of what may happen. No it’s not a porn show either. It’s about, well I don’t know because I don’t speak Indonesian but there was no nudity…..I won’t get into those thoughts now as I have another typing mistake that took me elsewhere.
I type again only to press the J instead of the H..
Hot Jail. Oooops.
There are soooo many poor inmates looking for love. I have changed the names to protect their identities, or at least did for a few but it became annoying and I thought, ‘protect them from what?’ I’m sure these crims can protect themselves.
I have to say all these ladies are all absolutely attractive and makes me think a stint behind bars may be just the course for the makeover I need to achieve flawless skin and a hot bod.
First there was my favorite. A note to Maeghan’s parents. She may be proof why you shouldn’t change the spelling of a simple yet nice name to make her unique..
She probably said, when asked at the bank counter, “my name is Maeghan.”
“Spelt M E G A N?” The teller asked..
“No..not Megan, it’s spelt M A E G H A N. Ahhhhh I’m so over everyone spelling it wrong……F&%# freakin get it right. BAMM!!! You’re dead…….”
Her reason for Incarceration: Second-degree murder Here’s what she’s looking for in a man.
“I got involved with the wrong guy at a young age and I am paying the price, now I want to find the right guy.” Oh we do hope you do find him you gorgeous one.
Carmen: Reason for incarceration: Drug possession, Identity theft
“I am a fun loving girl. I’m in a bad place, but I’ve got a beautiful heart and a caring soul. Even the best of people make mistakes right?”
They do Carmen….. just not as often as you have..
Amy says “I like tall men with tattoos, but I don’t discriminate either.
What?? Would you Amy, discriminate against men without tattoos? What if you really liked one of them but they had no tatts, they could put fake stick on ones just for the visit and you would be none the wiser.
Jillian: Reason for Incarceration: Parole Violation
“I’m looking for someone who is generous, romantic, passionate, affectionate, dominant, versatile, nonjudgmental, supportive, sensuous, creative, understanding, attractive, handsome, sexy, fun to be with, and makes me laugh. Goatees are a plus, but not necessary.”
Specific Jillian, very specific I must say…. Hmmmm I bet most guys would start with this simple requirement. I’m looking for someone not in the clink. Stop being so SPECIFIC Jillian although I suppose you don’t want time wasters in your hourly visits.
Andrea: Reason for Incarceration: Burglary
“I am hoping to meet that very special and charming someone who is generous, compassionate, caring, and nonjudgmental.”
Generous enough that I don’t have to break in and steal your jewels but rather you just give me them…
Nicole: Reason for Incarceration: Drugs
“Now that I’m 29 and have spent a decade in trouble or in prison, I now deeply desire comfort, security, and true happiness.”
That’s nice Nicole. We actually have a soft spot for you and hope you find someone soon
Jenny: Reason for Incarceration: Common Law Robbery
“I am a good person inside, but I have made some poor decisions for which I am paying dearly. I refuse to let this experience define me, although I am learning from my mistakes and intend to grow into a better person through this all.”
Oh JenJen, and I call you that with sympathy, if this is what you really want maybe put another picture up, not one of yourself with a bra. Maybe wear a t-shirt and I will believe this statement more.
Samantha says “I’m seeking friendship, but if love happens to come along, I would be open to it. I would also be willing to relocate for the right person.” Ummm relocate????
‘Hey warden, I’m seeing this guy on the other side of the country, it’s early days, but I’d like a transfer because I believe it’s real.’
Vivian: Reason for Incarceration: Murder
“I’m a very journalistic person. I enjoy growing a personal bond through correspondence. I love to be presentable at all times. Impressions are everlasting.”
Does journalistic mean ‘I like to write’? I’m sure it does and that may be all she does for the rest of her life. Oh Vivian if only you used your journalistic talents for good not evil.. (the pen mightier than the sword or knife or gun, or crowbar or rope ……)
Christine: “Please rescue me. Don’t allow what I have to offer go to waste, so just imagine me as a smoking hot genie trapped in a bottle, and all it takes is one rub to free me to make all your dreams come true. This bottle is tight and I’m hot in here.”
Phew……Christine, stop making my Templetons all hot and steamy. I’m not that sort of blog. Really……..
All in all it made me a little sad to know there were so many looking for love. Everyone needs it and no one knows or can judge these girls for being behind bars without knowing their full stories.
Is it right they are on the web and who allows this? There are too many shades of grey (yes a pun on what they are probably reading on their lonely nights) to know the whole truth but it just proves that for them a Temple is love and understanding.
I give the Guru and extra hug thankful I am free and sheltered with all I need to survive in life.
Now for some facts.
Gamil, although it comes up as Gmail first I am asked by Googs, ‘search instead, gamil?’ so I thought “yes please.’ I couldn’t help but look and found out that Gamil is the Egyptian pronunciation of the masculine given name Jamil.
It is also a family name (WIKI told me so) Did you know that? Do you care? Probably not but now you know I’m certain it will come up in a game show and you will impress your friends with this knowledge from nowhere.
I’m not even going to mention what twotter is.
Ok there is no Tartslotto other than mispelt hashtags, but there should be as I always type this instead of Tattslotto. I’m not talking about over-made floozies or painted up ladies of the night, but good old fashioned jam tarts. Or maybe there should be a Tartslotto where there is a chance to win actual jam tarts….
I’ll leave you with this. Footage of some guy called Hot Jai. (oops, typo again) Warning, this footage may be confusing it you don’t understand whatever foreign language they are speaking and it involves a bed scene.
I’d love to hear about where your spelling mistakes have lead you. Scroll, scroll down to leave your comments.
Peace and Ommmm from the Temple.
Prison Photo credit : JLM photography.