Hot Jails, Gamils & Tangled Fingers

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Google Salad.

Oh Google, we need to talk you see I have a habit of typing faster than my fingers will take me and they get all tangled up with the words coming out wrong.

I usually just go back to the word document, right click correct all the underlined green and red. This routine allows me to get the thousand thoughts in my head on screen before they disappear from my brain.

When I’m on the web however, in the internet search bar, this happens even more.  I get lazy and want him, my friend Mr Google, to just know what I’m talking about.

All these cookies, saved searches when I type in ‘Hotmail’ should be enough.  We’ve had a long relationship Googs and if you don’t know what I’m looking for by now you never will.  I’m contemplating checking out old Yahoo because of this.

I’m not one to save tabs.  I’m sure it’s easy enough but I instead just  type ‘hotmail ‘ in routine,  knowing or hoping that Googs will know what I mean,  like a good friend should.   Sometimes I leave out letters because surely he knows what I want.  Right?

Googs, why did you lead me to find some lovely people called Hotma?

Now I know there’s some Hot Mas out there, Angelina Jolie is the absolute Hot  Ma,  but I don’t need to know about the other Hot Mas of the world.   I really don’t need to know about the Malaysian cafe called Hotmas.

Or the reality show in Indonesia called Hotmas.  Now I have a yearning to learn this other language as I’m intrigued and really must know as I only watched a bit and not being able to understand it lead me to forming all sorts of crazy ideas of what may happen.  No it’s not a porn show either. It’s about, well I don’t know because I don’t speak Indonesian  but there was no nudity…..I won’t get into those thoughts now as I have another typing mistake that took me elsewhere.

I type again only to press the J instead of the H..

Hot Jail. Oooops.

There are soooo many poor inmates looking for love.  I have changed the names to protect their identities, or at least did for a few but it became annoying and I thought, ‘protect them from what?’ I’m sure these  crims can protect themselves.

I have to say all these ladies are all absolutely attractive and makes me think a stint behind bars may be just the course for the makeover I need to achieve flawless skin and a hot bod.

First there was my favorite.  A note to Maeghan’s parents.  She may be proof why you shouldn’t change the spelling of a simple yet nice name to make her unique..

She probably said, when asked at the bank counter, “my name is Maeghan.”

“Spelt M E G A N?”  The teller asked..

“No..not Megan, it’s spelt M A E G H A N.    Ahhhhh I’m so over everyone spelling it wrong……F&%# freakin get it right. BAMM!!!  You’re dead…….”

Her reason for Incarceration: Second-degree murder Here’s what she’s looking for in a man.

“I got involved with the wrong guy at a young age and I am paying the price, now I want to find the right guy.” Oh we do hope you do find him you gorgeous one.

Carmen: Reason for incarceration: Drug possession, Identity theft

“I am a fun loving girl. I’m in a bad place, but I’ve got a beautiful heart and a caring soul. Even the best of people make mistakes right?”
They do Carmen….. just not as often as you have..

Amy says “I like tall men with tattoos, but I don’t discriminate either.

What?? Would you Amy, discriminate against men without tattoos? What if you really liked one of them but they had no tatts, they could put fake stick on ones just for the visit and you would be none the wiser.

Jillian: Reason for Incarceration: Parole Violation

“I’m looking for someone who is generous, romantic, passionate, affectionate, dominant, versatile, nonjudgmental, supportive, sensuous, creative, understanding, attractive, handsome, sexy, fun to be with, and makes me laugh. Goatees are a plus, but not necessary.”

Specific Jillian, very specific I must say…. Hmmmm I bet most guys would start with this simple requirement.  I’m looking for someone not in the clink. Stop being so SPECIFIC Jillian although I suppose you don’t want time wasters in your hourly visits.

Andrea: Reason for Incarceration: Burglary

“I am hoping to meet that very special and charming someone who is generous, compassionate, caring, and nonjudgmental.”

Generous enough that I don’t have to break in and steal your jewels but rather you just give me them…

Nicole: Reason for Incarceration: Drugs

“Now that I’m 29 and have spent a decade in trouble or in prison, I now deeply desire comfort, security, and true happiness.”

That’s nice Nicole. We actually have a soft spot for you and hope you find someone soon

Jenny: Reason for Incarceration: Common Law Robbery

“I am a good person inside, but I have made some poor decisions for which I am paying dearly. I refuse to let this experience define me, although I am learning from my mistakes and intend to grow into a better person through this all.”

Oh JenJen, and I call you that with sympathy, if this is what you really want maybe put another picture up, not one of yourself with a bra. Maybe wear a t-shirt and I will believe this statement more.

Samantha says “I’m seeking friendship, but if love happens to come along, I would be open to it. I would also be willing to relocate for the right person.” Ummm relocate????

‘Hey warden, I’m seeing this guy on the other side of the country, it’s early days, but I’d like a transfer because I believe it’s real.’

Vivian: Reason for Incarceration: Murder

“I’m a very journalistic person. I enjoy growing a personal bond through correspondence. I love to be presentable at all times. Impressions are everlasting.”

Does journalistic mean ‘I like to write’?  I’m sure it does and that may be all she does for the rest of her life. Oh Vivian  if only you used your journalistic talents for good not evil.. (the pen mightier than the sword or knife or gun, or crowbar or rope ……)

Christine:  “Please rescue me. Don’t allow what I have to offer go to waste, so just imagine me as a smoking hot genie trapped in a bottle, and all it takes is one rub to free me to make all your dreams come true. This bottle is tight and I’m hot in here.”

Phew……Christine, stop making my Templetons all hot and steamy.  I’m not that sort of blog. Really……..

All in all it made me a little sad to know there were so many looking for love.  Everyone needs it and no one knows or can judge these girls for being behind bars without knowing their full stories.

Is it right they are on the web and who allows this? There are too many shades of grey (yes a pun on what they are probably reading on their lonely nights) to know the whole truth but it just proves that for them a Temple is love and understanding.

I give the Guru and extra hug thankful I am free and sheltered with all I need to survive in life.

Now for some facts.

Gamil, although it comes up as Gmail first I am asked by Googs, ‘search instead, gamil?’ so I thought “yes please.’  I couldn’t help but look and found out that Gamil is the Egyptian pronunciation of the masculine given name Jamil.

It is also a family name (WIKI told me so) Did you know that? Do you care? Probably not but now you know I’m certain it will come up in a game show and you will impress your friends with this knowledge from nowhere.

I’m not even going to mention what twotter is.

Ok there is no Tartslotto other than mispelt hashtags, but there should be as I always type this instead of Tattslotto.  I’m not talking about over-made floozies or painted up ladies of the night, but good old fashioned jam tarts. Or maybe there should be a Tartslotto where there is a chance to win actual jam tarts….

I’ll leave you with this. Footage of some guy called Hot Jai. (oops, typo again)   Warning, this footage may be confusing it you don’t understand whatever foreign language they are speaking and it involves a bed scene.

I’d love to hear about where your spelling mistakes have lead you. Scroll, scroll down to leave your comments.

Peace and Ommmm from the Temple.

Prison Photo credit : JLM photography.

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Pumpkin Model Extraordinaire

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As you may know from the ABOUT ME section,  I was a child star with a challenging start to life.  What you may not know is that a long while  back in my early twenties, I was a model.  As I am  a little short I didn’t make it to the catwalk but still starred in many campaigns. As I got older my looks dwindled, no one wanted the ‘old girl’ and ‘her’ wrinkles anymore.

I was destitute having spent all my modelling money prior to bribing doctors to surgically lengthen my legs, trying to perfect the right shade of copper hair and a personal, on call manicurist.  I thought it was over, until I got a call.  A huge campaign launching Halloween in Australia.

A sexy cat I thought, I would do that great, or a hot witch rocking a skimpy leather outfit.  I turned up ready for anything, ecstatic they were happy enough with my portfolio to choose me….

I felt quiet smug, I must say, as a model left the studio in tears.  Obviously because they had pushed her aside for muwah, Tamzen Temple, short in stature but a supermodel nonetheless.

I put on a one piece black bather like thing and deathly heels with spikes.  My style, I thought, wild and crazy.  All I needed was some little cat ears and I would look the spunkiest Halloween cat ever.

Deep in my thoughts of grandeur a voice snapped me back to reality.

“Here, put this on and release your inner pumpkin.”  The wardrobe assistant handed me a pumpkin helmet.

“I’m not wearing this. I’m Tamzen Temple, the amazingly talented model.”

“Yeah and I’m Coco Chanel, do it or leave like the others.”

I held it in my hands and stared in the mirror asking myself, how did I get to this point?  I decided I could leave then with no payment or be the best darn pumpkin I could be.  I ate pumpkin pie, oh I mean humble pie and took it as a sign from the universe to put things in perspective.  The day before, there was no way I could even afford to eat pumpkin. Now I was one.

The photographer snapped away and I gave it my all, crazy pumpkin, sexy pumpkin, angry pumpkin, blue steel pumpkin.  I used all my past modelling experience to capture the essence of what a Halloween pumpkin was.  I was on fire.

The campaign was a massive success and I still get royalties to this day and we at the Temple laugh and refer to those cheques as my ‘pumpkin money’.

While looks may fade pumpkin will always taste delicious in soups, roasted, in a pie and even scones.

What I have learned from this is I don’t really care about getting older, in fact I am honored. My pear figure is what it is, my carrot hair has a few greys and my almond eyes will be surrounded by alfalfa wrinkles.   I don’t have to go through all the comp the young ones do, like the pumpkin shaded fake tan, trying to be a butternut and not Just Another Pumpkin. I am comfortable being a wrinkly 43 year old vintage pumpkin.

What’s your favorite vegetable and why. I’d love to know. Scroll, scroll down to leave your comments.

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Is there such a thing as too much Tamzen Temple??

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We’re putting it out there…..

Can you have too much of Tamzen Temple???..

Personally I don’t think so. I’m endearing and who wouldn’t want more of me?

I’m kidding OK..Well I’m a little bit serious about the issue as we’re looking into the future. Maybe a few months ahead, maybe a bit more.

We’re a little stuck though as Temple TV already exists. (Some uni in Philly already has it)  So we can’t move forward until we think of another original  name that will capture the pure excitement and drama we will bring to the screen. (Youtube channel that is)

We are asking you: the people of Templetown, what can we call this new project that doesn’t exist yet but is certain to be a hit?

We await your response.. Until then stay tuned and don’t change the channel.

Ommmm and Peace from the Temple

xx Tam

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Who’s the Mayor of Whoville and G Town?

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Hmmm, we usually only concentrate on stars of the Hollywood kind here at the Temple, mainly because I have so many connections and requests from Hollywood Stars to up their profile by having the Tamzen Temple name alongside theirs.  However as I said last week it’s been a little boring in Tinseltown and no one has impressed me enough to do so,  so I thought I’d stay local this week.

For all my lovely international Temple followers who aren’t aware, I live in a beautiful town called Geelong. (Victoria, Australia)   A new  Mayor was elected a few months back and we were wondering if he used the power of positive thinking when it came to his campaign.

Here at the Temple, we have amazing observation skills and having a  mini Guru in the house allows us to observe through the eyes of a three year old. A few months ago, sitting back on a Saturday evening for movie night with Bronzy, we watched Dr Seuss’s Horton. We love, love loved it.

Now our current Geelong Mayor has always sported a unique hairstyle but we call it destiny as we believe he knew many years ago that having the same style as the Mayor of Who from Dr Seuss’s Horton would lead him home to his role.

It came back to me recently when I interviewed him.

Tamzen Temple: Great to meet you Mayor Lyons.

Mayor Lyons:  Back at ya!

Tamzen Temple:  Word is that you do most of your best thinking in the grotto, for those readers who don’t know, that’s the cave area in your pool.

Mayor Lyons: Don’t be ridiculous.  I only make crazy social media videos from there.  I think each morning riding my horse on the beach in my Mayoral Robes.  Well I did until the incident.

Tamzen Temple:  What incident was that?

Mayor Lyons:  I fell off ok, that dam filly threw me fair unto my mayoral butt.

Tamzen:  Oh.  Did you say giddy up or something that may have provoked her?

Mayor Lyons:  No, she just didn’t like my mayoral chains. They spooked her.

Tamzen: Hmm yeah, I’m sure it was the chains.  Ok, there is the burning issue many want to discuss with you.

Mayor Lyons:  Yes that’s right. Industry in Geelong I bet that’s what you’re talking about, the  closure of Ford, Shell …..

Tamzen Temple: No no, I meant your hair.  I’ve had several hundred enquires of what you use to keep it so, ‘up there’.

Mayor Lyons:  Ahh  yes.  Remember the cement works?  Well Limestone is the key and with its closure all those years ago, I’m using the remnants of that in my new hair-care range called  Mayoraly Manes.  The official launch will be next month.

Tamzen Temple: So can we expect more to be having hair like yourself ‘cause that’s sort of scaring me?

Mayor Lyons:  That’s what I’m hoping for.  A legion of lookalikes, followers just like you have  at the Temple.

Tamzen Temple: Yes we do have a number of followers but we love that each are unique.  Which brings me to the question: There are debates on the amount of public appearances you make.  You are ‘Mr Here There and Everywhere’ and there have been all sorts of conspiracies that there must be two of you to be able to be in so many places.  Are you a twin?

Mayor Lyons:  Defiantly not.  Although I do have enough personality for two, possibly three people.

Tamzen Temple:  That is true.  Do you ever get a chance to work in the office in between all these public appearances?

Mayor Lyons: Well I have a driver now, so my car is my office.  I get back sometimes to have a coffee, to use the mayoral throne; it’s hard sometimes as I forget exactly where the office is at times. Usually when this occurs I just make an impromptu appearance somewhere to cover up my memory loss.

Tamzen Temple:  Well, at least you’re honest.  Now onto the Mayoress.  I hear she is studying Journalism.

Mayor Lyons:  That’s right.  She’s very clever and beautiful.

Tamzen Temple: Oh right, much like myself, although she’s probably more passionate about the news than I am.   I myself wouldn’t look at a newspaper as a fashion statement, the Geelong Addy must have been in short supply that day.

Mayor Lyons: Oh but what a way to read the paper hey?

Tamzen Temple: Ah, maybe for you but I prefer my newspaper not wrapped around someone although I might ask the Temple Guru to give it a go.  Anywho, let her know that if she needs any advice that she can make an appointment with me.  If I’m not with Brad, George or some other star, I may consider speaking with her to pass on my wealth of knowledge and give her a contact or two.

Mayor Lyons: Thanks but I think she’ll do just fine; I have a few contacts of my own.

Tamzen Temple: OMMMMMG, I’ve just put the two together.  You and Mayor Who.

Mayor Lyons:  Who? What?

Tamzen Temple: Horton, Dr Seuss, Mayor Who.

Mayor Lyons:  I don’t know what or who you’re talking about. I’m me, Who is whoever he is. Purely coincidence. But I will tell you this, I am as passionate as Who is  for this town of my whos.

Tamzen Temple: Well said Mayor Lyons.  If not Who, we think they and whoever else are as intrigued with what will come next from you.  May your roar bring Geelong all you hope and your mane be forever erect.

Mayor Lyons: Thank you for your time Tamzen Temple and giddy up.

All in all Mayor Lyons is  passionate about Geelong. Most leave their home towns without a second thought but he has always came back and  put his belief in all Geelong has to offer.

We end with a quote from the the movie Horton by Dr Seuss”

“A person is a person no matter how small.”

We agree Dr Seuss however at the Temple  we also think everyone can be huge by ‘just being nice, OK!!

Bless Dr. Seuss.  The Temple thinks we will delve deeper in your words to open our world even more.

Peace and Ommmm  from the Temple and may Geelong bloom and flourish. Scroll, Scroll down to leave comments.

Photo of Mayor Lyons from Geelong Advertiser Click HERE for page

Photo of Mayor Who from Movie Dr Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who Click Here for page

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Yawn, no marriage this year, said Elizabeth Taylor never.

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Hmmmmmm. I’m getting a little bored.  The celebrities are playing it safe.  No news is good news but that means nothing for the Temple to share.

Yawn, so Jessica Simpson got married (BTW where was my invite Simmo??)

Pippa Middleton hails a cab after a night out. Oh the horror of it all.. Catching a cab.  Scandalous really.

Some guy called Collumbus got drunk, Chris Brown took a photo of someone’s butt….

Gee, all those celeb mags must be doing it tough lately with nothing ever happening.

Oh but the big story close to my heart is that  Chris Martin is now eating meat.  I knew this anyways as he came for a barbie recently while in Australia and couldn’t resist my burgers and t-bones. Sorry Gwynnie, twas me who lured him back to the dark side of sizzling steaks.. (Apologies to any vegetarians out there but…)

There was once upon a time where a celebrity scandal was just that.  The overdoses of greats such as Jim Morrison, Janice Joplin and Jim Hendrix are tragedies that we don’t want anyone following but their tragedies were the end to the insanity of their brilliant talents and their tormented lives that the now generation barely identify with.

Non-wow I have to admit these modern day celebs, or stars are a tad bit boring. They have to do ridiculous publicity stunts, que Miley Cyris. Oh her dad must be so proud, (NOT) yet for some reason the world searched millions of times for the clip of her sticking her tongue out and bending over ‘twerking’ as she and Robin Thicke sung together.   It is now known as ‘that infamous moment’ we’d rather not relive. (so sorry I bought it up)

Could someone tell me what the Kardashians have actually done other than allow cameras into their lives.  (Soz Kimmy, I know we’re besties but really)

Seriously, does it really have to be about publicly displaying yourself provocatively to score search hits?

To be in the day of the silver screen when Spencer Tracy stayed ‘loyal’ to his wife by choosing not to leave her while continuing his lifelong affair with his loyal mistress Kathrine Hepburn.

Marilyn at President Kennedy’s birthday singing him happy birthday like no other and the supposed secret affair with him.

Elizabeth Taylor entering eight marriages to seven men. They knew how to do it back then with elegance and class not in a trashy way but they somehow came off as icons, not stars, not celebrities. A scandal usually involves someone who suffers because of it, we at the Temple don’t like to see anyone suffer in anyway so we’d rather read about real news of the day that informs the masses of what’s really happening instead of trashy celeb antics or at least keep reading the Temple news that has a bit of fun with it all.

So to all you celeb/star wannabes, just try to stay cool and just be nice OK.

Got any view on celebs?  Scroll, scroll down to share your thoughts.

Peace and Ommmm from the Temple

xx

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Photo credit Janis Joplin: Wikipedia click HERE to see source

Photo credit Marilyn Monroe : Ana Carolina Braga click HERE to view photo source

Photo Credit Jim Morrison: Wikipedia. Click HERE to view photo source

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