Social Dating Dream…..
Last night I had a bizarre dream. Now if someone starts a sentence to me with that I immediately fake a phonecall from Madonna and run out the door.
Stop don’t leave this page I swear there is excitement plus ahead.
I dreamt that the Temple Guru had left me for Elizabeth Hurley. She is on his list of others along with Miranda and Jessica Albi that he will marry if I should my life end due to an unexpected occurrence.
Anywho. In protest, in my dream I went on a dating site, two months on I had a group meeting with the ones I met to reveal who was the extremely lucky man I would choose for life.
These men, all had strange names…… Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Squidoo and Tumblr. Familiar names yes…..I was social dating.
My dream began like this……
They sat patiently in front of me in the room as we discussed together which one of them I would choose to be my new lifelong partner.
Tamzen Temple: I’ve called you all here as I think it’s time I committed to one of you fully instead of dating you all at once.
Instagram: Stop Tamzen Temple. Just tell them straight it is us who belong together rather than drag this out.
Tamzen Temple: Listen Instagram, I dunno about you and if I can go out with someone who is all about pictures of themselves.
Instagram: Hey, I’ve changed. Now I have coffe pics, flower pics and meal pics and of course inspirational quotes.
Tamzen: Ahhh yes, the inspirational quote overload…. I have heard however that you bought the followers you have? Is this true?
Instagram: Well maybe I did, but it was just until people caught on then… I was going to delete the bought ones…
Tamzen Temple: What all 10,000 of them… and all those people that come and like my page. Hot chicks, like don’t think I don’t notice who you are with. All gorgeous girls studying economics or law with just enough pics on there to interest some desperado and a quote, ‘currently single so hit me up on my dating profile…’
Instagram: I don’t know any of them Tamzen. You are the one and only for me. They probably think you’re some sloth of a guy who can’t pick up and it’s all computer generated to send to the masses. Junk in the gram man!… #junk #scam #hotchicks
Tamzen Temple: I think I know about the hashtag OK. Haven’t you noticed my tattoo? I got it when we first met on that drunkard night. It’s why we broke up remember? You put up the photos of me dancing on the bar. #drunkchick #nobra #flasher remember!!?
Instagram: It wasn’t me I swear. Someone hacked my account….. OK I confess, I thought I was Snapchat for a moment and they would disappear… #untruth #sorry #iloveyou #forgiveme
Facebook: BIG LIAR InstaGrammy! You shared them to my wall in an instant just to throw it in my face.
Instagram: I’m not a liar and at least if she chooses me she won’t be interrupted with ads galore and meaningless request to join groups and like pages. Seriously Tamzen, pick me. We’d be great together. I would make you my main focus. Pictures of you everyday. Your life in pictures, you eating, you brushing your hair, smiling you, sad you…. angry you, morning you, night you… you, you and you…. you gorgeous creature….. #pleaseeeeee
Tamzen Temple: Stop it, both of you. I’m still thinking. Facebook. You have like, 5000 friends. Now you can’t tell me they’re all real.
Facebook: At least I can say I never bought them. Most are real friends, well some are friends of friends and some are just randoms that requested me. Who knows, maybe I did meet them one night on the town, whatever though I am Mr Popular…
Twitter: Listen to me @tamzentemple they R babbling. At least u know I can say wot I hav2 in140 characters or less. Each word means sumthin.xx
Tamzen Temple: Yes Twitty, this is true, but I like full sentences and you are like a bad accent. I don’t understand everything you say you twit. To be honest I really hate that I have to open countless underlined blue writing to see exactly what you are talking about. You frustrate me so you are off the list of possible husband material.
Twitter: But…… just open this twit/lovetamtemp/r9jq
Tamzen Temple: Seriously. I’m not going to open that up.
Tumblr: Stick with me Tamzy. I’m crazy, random and all round fun…
Tamzen Temple: Well Tumbs, you see I still don’t really understand you.
Tumblr: What? You have an account and all. You added heaps and….
Tamzen Temple: Yes I have shared but I’m thinking of wiping you out as I just don’t get what you’re about.
Tumblr: I’m just a mini blog that shares and can be shared amongst a little community.
Tamzen Temple: I think the community is bigger that you know. Ohh I dunno, we might be good together, I mean you Tumbs are the one I know least, there is that bit of mystery, although what is with those ultra short videos, gifs I think they are called?
Tumblr: Yeah, they make things look super funny, like even someone standing up then sitting down or taking a bite of cake or babies throwing up. Gifs rock as they just play it over and over and over and over and over ……
Tamzen Temple: Done, you’re out too as I’m not interested in over and over again of the same…..
Facebook. Yeah and with content not monitored there are just way too many weird strange images you have Tumblr. Like squished up grandma faces that look like a rotten cabbage or someone in Wallmart wearing a G-string backward called George or that other stuff……plus you’re not mini, you’re micro….
Tamzen Temple: Hmmm.. Tumbs I think you are funny and for the right girl you’ll be dynamite, but I don’t like surprises and don’t think I should have you around given your frivolity and non-restrictive content. I’ll admit, I’m a bit too conservative and will leave you for the younger, stranger ones…….
Tamzen Temple: Now for you Squidoo
Squidoo: HUB please. I’ve changed my name. You can call me Hubpage, I’m still the same but different.
Tamzen Temple: Wadda??
Squidoo: I was sold off and will now be known as Hub OK!
Tamzen Temple: But what happens to all my stuff that I left at your place.
Squidoo: It’s there you just have to come over and get it. Just read about it on the new Hubpages on how to move your stuff and …
Tamzen Temple: No way. I am not reading or moving anything. Keep it at your place or it can go to cyber heaven for all I care. Just get out now. I don’t want you, or too see you ever again. I liked the whole lens thing, now it’s a hub. See you later Squidhub….
They all pleaded in unison: So what have you decided Tamzen?
I felt suffocated, trapped and pressured to making a decision but they really were all idiots that I kinda liked having around. I’d been jumping from one to the other and sometimes all on the one day. I became a social tart by social dating…
It was then in my dream I looked at them all and was about to reveal which I would choose when I was woken by the sound of a boiling kettle and my lovely Guru making me a cuppa.
Oh I just love him. He has no idea on these things and adds random people on Facebook on his by scrolling the screen and then feels the need to send an apology for doing so when he deletes them.
Peace and Ommmm and who would you choose if you had to??
xxooooo
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