Royal Blogger Fraud

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Bogus Blogger Exposed

OK here it  is. I’m going to give the expose hey straight up.  I was recently asked to give an interview with Clarke Lane  about my amazing blog, the even more amazing me and the awesome advice I give… or don’t give…

Anywho I obviously thought it was to be featured in the Who Weekly’s Most Intriguing People but instead it was merely a ploy to tarnish my already tarnished yet highly polished, glossy  name.

Here is the interview from the Daily Sun.

Pancakes Can Cure

Says the Fake Queen!!

Temple Queen or biggest scammer in history?  Tamzen Temple arrived at the small inner-city cafe wearing her casual black clothes straight from the hills hoist minus her tiara.  Looking relaxed yet extraordinarily attractive she sat and asked straight up for the menu.

“I’m always hungry and like to order within five minutes of sitting down.” Ms Temple explained.  “You don’t want to wait for food any longer than necessary.”

After months of scouring through  various birth records on royal bloodlines across several countries I asked Ms Temple about how she felt about being exposed as a fraud. Many documents were examined over a two year period and The Daily Sun is the first to uncover the truth. Tamzen Temple is not a Temple Queen and not living in a Temple at all. Her response to my allegations was far from appealing.

“Of course I’m not a royal Temple Queen you freaking moron.  If you took even two seconds to look on my site you would know this.  I am the Queen of my Temple.  Now a Temple is otherwise known as a home.  So every woman in their home should be known as a Temple Queen.  They are the glue of the monarchy.. Just look at the actual Queen… you don’t think the old Duke of Edinburgh is the Araldite, or Superglue of the palace?  He doesn’t even compare to Clag and couldn’t keep his mind together let alone a broken tiara.”

With a compulsion to talk faster than the speed of light, it was difficult to make sense of the redheaded beauty that dazzled me with her witty charm.  She made absolutely no sense with the babble that came out of her mouth as I quizzed her further about her dark past and of her non-royal bloodline.

It was uncovered that the mother was a groupie before turning into a street walker and then a high class hooker.  Her father unknown due to the wild ways and inability of her mother to put the dates together with band tours.

“Well she, my mum Vera, is possibly the one who has the most direct links to royalty.  I mean she was very discreet and all but….I suppose that tattoo of the British flag with a little crown on top makes sense now… She liked to get a tatt for each of  her greatest conquests or should I say clients.     I’m yet to decipher them all.  She has a tattoo of a SULTANaaah… OMG I just worked that one out…”

But what about all her followers who hung on her every word, each piece of advice she gave believing that she offered them a world of peace and wisdom through her Temple Teachings?  With over five million followers in Australia alone there has been concern that the Temple Tribe of this incisive yet bizarre blogger may have been mislead on a number of occasions.

“Ummm look to be honest, I offer nothing.  I’m not a mummy blogger who gives great parenting advice..  actually can you remember if I had my little man Bronzy  with me when I entered..? Or did he stay home with the Guru..?  Hmmmm.

Anywho.. I’m not crafty nor do I travel a lot.  Except to see the celebs and stars of course but all the details are taken care for me by my PA Kim Groman.  I actually have no idea how to even buy an air ticket… so no advice given there.

As you can see my pants are on inside out, a common mistake I often make and the tag to my shirt is visible so it definitely shows you I am not a fashion blogger offering styling advice.

I do though occasionally share my epic food fails so I suppose I do give advice on what not to do in the kitchen and well…… My tagline for my blog actually is that I provide people with ‘a mass of useless information you may never need with the occasional insight to brilliance.”

She sat vacant, unresponsive yet with an alluring exotic look  in her eye as I hit her with the question on everyone’s lips.  What about the false claims she makes in curing sadness with pancakes.  Whilst many have agreed with her, advice in this area it is yet to be medically proven.

Pancakes cured me from my sadness and I stand by that statement. Although I am not often sad probably because I eat them also as a preventative measure.   They will make anyone happy.  But they should include a warning which I don’t believe it is up to me to give but if I did it would be “excessive consumption of pancakes especially with unscrupulous amounts of butter and maple syrup will make you fat.  As I have said on a number of occasions, (pointing to her robust butt, stomach, thighs and hips)  this is not baby fat… everyone blames the baby.. It’s pancake fat….”

There it is out in the open.  It was actually always out.  I never kept anything hidden I in fact believe that anyone who is a journalist interviewing someone should do their homework more than checking a blog post or Instagram account.  

It was later revealed that I have Ficticious Disorder   not to be confused with Facticious Disorder that a recent health blogger fraud claims to have.  On a serious note, if you do have any problems and need to talk to someone call LIFELINE.

I believe that there should be more honest people in the world like myself and my great friend I have never met but believe is unfairly ignored like myself Ronnie Peace.  He too lives an honest and true life making no secret of his faults and understandably self admiration.

Do you love pancakes?? I’d love to know your take.  Scroll scroll down to let me know and don’t forget to join the Temple Tribe.  My five millionth follower gets to spend the day with me.  Just leave your email in the ‘you’re adorable’ section and you become even more adorable. xx

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Vaccinating Parents Against Stupidity

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Vaccinating Dogs and the Uneducated.

Years ago I was asked to host a talk show. It was to be a pilot on parenting and was doomed to fail. (Mainly because 1. I had no knowledge at the time of parenting. 2. The parents that participated sought legal action for the show not to go to air knowing it proved they were not fit to be parents)

The network set me up I’m sure by giving me four parents to question about four common frustrating parental issues. It almost turned a little Jerry Springerish with me jumping around in frustration with these moronic parents who really need to be locked up and retrained… or trained to be exact.

Now I’m not one to judge as we are all merely surviving in life but when it comes to kids, babies the absolute treasures of the world that we are blessed to be in the presence of let alone responsible for, I must admit I can become a little psycho on the matter…..

The pilot took place on a small stage. They, the parents,  sat in front of me as I paced with a microphone around them….

Thanks for being here today parents. I’ll get straight into it and start with you Responsible But Incredibly Selfish Dog Owner (RBISDO) Can you explain to me why do you tie your dog up at the bottom of the slide at the local playground?

RBISDO: Oh well he just loves kids, he is my other child and where else would I tie him…?

Tamzen Temple: Maybe away from the play area would be an idea.

RBISDO: Yes but as I said he just loves watching the kids come down the slide and by having him and my son within the same area stops me from worrying.

Tamzen Temple: But he jumped up on one of the kids and scaring the bejebees out of them and snapped at another one.

RBISDO: Oh he would never hurt one he just likes jumping and licking kids, he’s just a puppy really.

Tamzen Temple: Yeah well , he’s not a puppy he’s a huge dog and I’m telling you now that I don’t want your dog on the playground turf. It’s great you’ve tied him up while your son plays but… tie him up on the bike rack nearby or under a tree. Not where kids are playing… I don’t care if it’s the cutest most harmless dog in the world.  You have three football ovals around us to take him for a run yet you take him to the park.

RBISDO: But..

Tamzen Temple: No butts!!! I love animals but I love the thought of my child, if I had one,  playing without having to think of a strange dog at the bottom of the slide or near a swing like a moving target..

Now…let’s move on.  This is a touchy one and one that will be debated forever….. Anti – Vaccinator I want you to listen.. I’d actually prefer you and your child stay away from mine.. Or I could adopt her and get her the jabs she needs?

Anti-Vaccinator: That’s the problem Tamzen Temple. You and many like you are simply uneducated about the subject. I read a report from a top doctor in the US…

Tamzen Temple: Stop… these reports are always from ‘top doctors’… can you tell me what the bottom doctors are doing?

Anti-Vaccinator: No you listen.. these top doctors tell how it’s all about the pharmaceutical companies making money.. Immunisations are unnecessary. Also I had a friend who had a cousin who although she wasn’t close to; she heard about through the neighbor that her daughter had a severe reaction to a vaccine…

Tamzen Temple: Right. Understandably that would be upsetting…. but I once had a client who has a limp from polio and another one who lost two brothers back in the day from whooping cough. This was prior to vaccines being available.

Anti-Vaccinator: Yes but if they ate lots of vegetables they would have been fine. They are old diseases and don’t exist now anyway.

Tamzen Temple: That is because we almost wiped them out with vaccines.

Anti-Vaccinator: Look I don’t get why all those who get vaccinated care anyway. I mean if their kids are vaccinated they shouldn’t have to worry if mine isn’t and gets one of these diseases as they are ‘protected’.

Tamzen Temple: But what about the poor little bubs that are too young to be vaccinated, that don’t stand a chance because people like you are too selfish to think of the big picture that it’s not just about you but the many who may be vulnerable to these preventable diseases.

Anti-Vaccinator: Oh Tamzen Temple… You’re like all the rest of those idiots. Secret documents were uncovered to show absolute proof that vaccines can cause autism.

Tamzen Temple: Yes, top doctors, secret reports.. Oh and I’ve heard the latest one that you’re trying to spread. The one where you get your doctor to sign this form to state that the vaccine doesn’t have any monkey or dog kidneys contained.. Wadda!! What doctor would put his or her name to any ridiculous form like that presented by a parent caught up in a small sector of alternate freaks?

Have you noticed uneducated Anti-Vaccinator that most of these sites have dodgy ads on them, usually to lure the brainless twits further into the spectrum of conspiracy theories and products that are herbal remedies?… queue sales pitch to the ignorant but easily lead….. Also they use the word physician, not doctor as we call them here in OZ, so you as an Aussie place greater faith in the American based physicians of the Google Gods than actual facts then share this fictional knowledge with others on Facebook….

Show me the Australian research with real doctors not info from random sites that come from some person probably paid five dollars to create a page to get you guys there, that are actually just pages created purely to sell to you.

Anti-Vaccinator: You missed the point though that not one physician would sign that release form.

Tamzen Temple: No I didn’t miss it, I just know they are actually in the backroom rolling around in laughter and then tears at the absolute ridiculous situation of them attending uni for eight or more years for a person off the street caught up in a hype that will be the first to flip once their child has to suffer with one of these old diseases. Oh and this ridicolous assumption that a government conspiracy to make money off the pharmaceutical companies, ummm vaccines are free so I just don’t get how you come to that conclusion.

Anti-Vaccinator: You’ll never understand TT. You like the whole of society have conformed too easily.

Tamen Temple: Now I must ask you this though.. You have a cat don’t you?

Anti-Vaccinator: Yes I do.. and a dog.

Tamzen Temple: Do you vaccinate your pets?

Anti-Vaccinator: Of course I do. There’s a lot out there they can catch from Parvovirus, Distemper.

Tamzen Temple: Can you hear yourself talk?? You won’t vaccinate your children but do so your pets?

Anti-Vaccinator: Yes but , well they are defenseless in protecting themselves.

Tamzen Temple: So are babies.

Anti-Vaccinator: No further comment.

Tamzen Temple: Now….What insane parent is next.. ah Free Range Mum. So you let your kids out of the house without any knowledge of where they are?

Free Ranger: Yes and it is giving them the opportunity to explore their true personalities. It also gives them a chance to learn basic survival skills and the all important navigation skills when they find their way home.

Tamzen Temple: And if they don’t find their way home?

Free Ranger: Well, it’s an opportunity for me to go for a walk and find them. It encourages exercise all round. Aren’t we trying to do the same with chickens?  I just want the same for my kids, not to be enclosed in a yard but instead given the endless roads and fields of the world.

Tamzen Temple: Why not just go together. Enjoy a day at a park or shops or anywhere… together?

Free Ranger: I need my me time, they need their independence and there has been no serious crime in the area for over a year except that maniac that stabbed a woman in the main street. But you can’t let the maniacs win, you have give your kids wings to fly, trust to soar and freedom to grow.

Tamzen Temple: Fruitcake….. Your children are nine and four. Don’t you worry?

Free Ranger: There’s no point in worrying about what destiny holds. I tell the older one to keep a close eye on his sister, not to let her out of site. I know that later in life they will be absolutely fearless.

Tamzen Temple: If they aren’t hit by a car or abducted or lost in bush-land. Isn’t it your job to keep a close eye on your children?  You shouldn’t put that in the hands of your older child and I’m not saying keep them locked in the backyard, I’m saying know where they are and have some limits.

Free Ranger: Seriously Tamzen Temple, you don’t even have a child so how can you sit here and judge any of us?

Tamzen Temple: I’m still working out which of you is the worst. It could possibly be you Verbal and Physical Abuser. (V&PA)

V&PA: I have found that a little hit or firm slap across the bottom or hand is effective and I can call my children whatever I want.. Sometimes she is a little b&^% so I’m just stating the obvious to her.

Tamzen Temple: But how can you look at that little face and call her that?

V&PA: Quiet easily. Look my parents used to hit me and call me all sorts of names and what I learned from that was respect. I turned out just fine.

Tamzen Temple: No what you got from that is a memory that your parents used to hit you and verbally abuse you.

V&PA: Yes I may have issues from that and be estranged from my own parents. That aside if my kids are naughty they will be hit. It works because they are very rarely naughty.. they just sit in the corner head down and hardly ever speak.

Tamzen Temple: That’s called fear and humiliation.

V&PA: They are my kids, I will hit them if I want to, if it is required.

Tamzen Temple: So can I slap you now for being an abuser.

V&PA: Try it, I will have assault charges on you in a second.

It was at this point I had to be pulled off this woman as she mutually agreed to let the grip she had on my hair lose.
No charges were laid and the network tore up the contract and shelved the project. Society wasn’t ready to state the obvious just yet. It would be too much paperwork to lay out some simple guidelines for parents like this.

Did I over react?… Am I wrong?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are children worth it? Scroll scroll down to share your thoughts….

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Wonderful Women: Ellen

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I’m Yellin to Ellen…

Oh she is the one we admire the most here at the Temple..  Ellen……

Yes I started a few months back,  a campaign on my TEMPLE Instagram account for Ellen to call me….

(Follow ELLEN on IG HERE  or click pic above as she is the coolest)

I believe she is totes awesome and this is why.

She is dang funny and never at the expense of anyone… there it is…

Oh and by doing so she spreads joy and joy is awesome.

So head over to my Instagram and search for the hashtag   #tamzenellenbff comment anything to show your support….. on every pic… if you would like to get the Temple message of “just be freaking nice OK!!”

Oh I’d love to meet her one day but if not I’m just going to keep up the campaign for fun.

 

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The Award Goes Too…

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The Award Acceptance Speech.

I received an award a few years back. I don’t talk about it much as I’m not one to gloat.. I was very humbled by the occasion and wanted to share my acceptance speech with you.

Here it is…

Thank you, thank you very much.

I’m humbled to be here, on this stage amongst you all.  It’s been a long journey, almost a year and prior to that a lot of planning.  Many said it couldn’t be done, many scoffed at the idea of this but I knew it would happen.  I never doubted it could happen despite all those who thought that Micko and I had given up.

But it also could not have happened without a few maestros in the performance. You guys are the ones that bought it all together, made it happen.

Firstly the midwife.  Maureen, you were amazing.  You knew what had to be done, you saw the bigger picture despite my plan you knew what would work best.  You guided me, held my hand through those moments of doubt and stuck with me despite us going over production time and possibly the whole budget.  You calmed Micko and provided me with endless gas which made me really, really happy.

Your assistant and newbie Erin…Oh Erin.. A child herself. .. It was her first experience in the industry and I don’t know if she’ll be back but…..

She was tough and showed courage even when I screamed louder than Tarzan being eaten by coyotes and  pushed her away with the force a category five hurricane when she offered me ‘ice to make things nice.’

The doctors… Yes I say plural because this baby did not want to come out and by end there were over 15 of you at the  show because it was change of shift and each of you had gold pass lanyards around your necks that allowed access all areas.

To the older lady who joined the crew toward the end of the production and tried to takeover…  You just didn’t have the vision we shared the 24 hours prior.

It was to be a spiritual event, one of survival not one emulating a western… I wasn’t calving. I was delivering a human and doing so in a birthing suite not a paddock…I want you to understand that although you’ve probably done this a billion times, it was my one and only time so you were wrong to  mess with me after three days of pain with  no sleep   and 40 years waiting for this child.

Complications and a roster change did not stop me doing it my way… the show will and did go on despite you.

Big sigh….

To Micko, my partner, my inspiration. You knocked me up, put me here…  You thought you could deliver this baby yourself.  You tried to shake him out. Once again Maureen for telling him that it’s not possible to do so.

Micko. You yelled at our unborn child to “help your mother and get out of there already!”

Thanks again Maureen for telling him that yelling at a baby in the womb has not been proven to help in any medical journal or in the history of childbirth.

Micko, you really were and are lovely.  You were there, you wanted to be there.

Thank you for hosing me down like a driveway back in the day before there were water restrictions.  You gave me lip gloss, took phone calls, pushed me to walk around the hospital to help ‘speed up the process’.

You spurred me on like Michelle Bridges to climb the stairs despite my objections.  “We’ll get that baby out!”  You ranted even though you had no idea the f$%# pain I was in but you were there, with me and I know you would have swapped places in a heartbeat if you could.

Whew. Finally, as I hold this golden award here in my arms I thank the Academy…. I mean… I thank whatever higher being be it God or the Aliens for this child, this baby in his perfect form.  He will take pride in my heart; remind me of all that is good in the world.

And to all those mums who have gone through the journey of the miracle of a baby; the wait, the anxiety the survival of it all and the ultimate reward.   Who gives a racoon if you delivered naturally, c-section, had an epidural, done it naturally, adopted or had a surrogate?

Who freaking cares if you breast feed or use formula?  It does not blooming matter because you guys rock….. I never knew how much until now.

Insert applause here… plus a standing ovation.

Holding award above head like Simba..

Bow gracefully..

Exit holding award firmly and don’t trip on gown.

Stayed tuned for further speeches..   Have one?  We’d love for you to share a segment below.

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Scroll, scroll, scroll to share your award winning moment.

Send us a full version to tamzentemple@gmail.com and go on and share this with other awesome mums.

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Peace and Ommmm from the Temple.

Have you joined the Temple Tribe.  Just enter your email in the ‘you’re adorable’ section at sidebar and you’re part of the most amazing revolution of niceness. xx