The Biggest Lies Exposed
I don’t know what the big deal is about that chick claiming she was African American..
I mean aside from the totes giveaway of freckly fair skin covered by thick make up, that hair alone, which as a former hairdresser I can declare, is either a wig or a tightly wound perm with forte solution. I think she may done in-depth research into African American hair history and based it on Beyonce in Austin Powers…..
That health blogger Ms Gibson pretending she was terminally ill even though she was a picture of health. Did the fact that she was glowing not give anyone an indication or like the B word, the C word is out of bounds for questioning.
If someone says I am black or have cancer we go into freak out overdrive of racial etiquette or sympathy without questioning anything, even a lie that stands blatantly in front of us.
Let’s face it we all pretend to be something we’re not.. or think we’re something we aren’t .
Take me… I am certain that I am a supermodel but am quickly questioned if I ever tell anyone this.. “You couldn’t possibly be a supermodel. You’re too short for starters…and maybe a little robust in the thigh area.”
There’s the not so Christian Aussie couple that said they would divorce should gay marriage become legal in Australia. We know they’re full of S&%$. Think of their children living in a split family. They will be surely shunned by the community for being raised by divorcees. Oh hang on, it isn’t the 1950s, no one will care.
Bruce Jenner lived a long life pretending to be a male when really underneath it all there was the beautiful Caitlyn. Like Superman had to don his Clarke Kent outfit to fit in, I see Caitlyn had to do much the same. He now she, was living in an alter ego not by choice but because it was required for the masses to cope.
I draw a whirly moustache with Vegemite and do Mexican accent when I serve Tacos although no one appreciates this or pulls me up on my lie and let me tell you it is not done with any disrespect. I just figure the tacos may taste better if I introduce an added cultural aspect to them.
I actually get picked on for highlighting in conversation a person’s racial, age, height or general status when telling a story.. What the!? You may scream..
I believe person’s background be it race, height, age, status or sex has a whole lot to do with everything.
So here’s my day to day conversations as judged by the world in no particular order to no particular person but it’s just the way I talk. OK! Please don’t judge me.
Tamzen Temple: I was telling my friend about, this guy from work who is black..
World (yelling) : What has that got to do with anything Tamzen Temple? That is such a racist thing to do, to mention that he is black.. What does that matter ? Tell the story without mentioning the B word.
Tamzen Temple: Well, this guy at work was really upset the other day because a customer asked him if he played basketball. This woman said she loved Lebron James and then asked if he played.
World: Well does he?
Tamzen Temple: No he does not. He’s the most uncoordinated black guy I have ever met. He can’t catch, can’t bounce, can’t jump and can’t throw and his dance moves are shameful to his ancestors.
World: Can you hear yourself. You are stereotyping him.
Tamzen Temple: No I am paying homage to all the great stereotypical things. I ignore the bad ones because they are made by small minded people. I believe it’s everyone else that has the problem so I then went on to apologise for all of us. Anywho there was this Chinese lady….
World: Stop, have you not learned anything from what I just said?
Tamzen Temple: OK.. This lady from class gave me some herbs for my cold.
World: Is she a naturopath, doctor?
Tamzen Temple: No if you listened I said she was Chinese and gave me some herbs and for me and I believe her ethnicity gives her greater creed to herbal remedies… Oh come on. You can picture this beautiful wise Chinese lady in an ancient store made of straw and mud who mixes remedies that are centuries old. By stating her racial background is only adding to the story and allowing a clearer picture in your head. I am so not being racist I am merely pointing out how being a certain race gives you a trustworthiness in an ancient practice.
An Indian girl I was teaching..
World: WTF does it freaking matter where she is from????????? Go On…..
Tamzen Temple: Well if you let me finish…. She is going back to her homeland to pick up her baby. She had him here eighteen months ago and took him back for her parents to raise while she finished her course. So now she’s done, she’s picking him up. It has happened with many of my students and they are all from India. It’s gut wrenching for them to be apart for so long but was quite common among my students. I’m visualizing the flight… the meet up at the busy Delhi airport, the tears from all the family.
World: Oh we apologise… Definitely not a practice I’ve heard any Aussies doing. I mean they may but..
Tamzen Temple: Exactly this is something many of them go through and heartbreaking to think of the sacrifice she has made to try to get an education so she’ll have a better future for her family. Phew. Well my uncle who’s Italian..
World: Just stop this madness.. Try telling the story without mentioning he’s Italian.
Tamzen Temple: Well fine then….. This guy who is related…… he just handed down the recipe for my great grandmother’s meatballs…. You see this is where you’re wrong.. For starters by saying he’s my uncle you have a rough indication of his age, to say he’s Italian shows that the recipe is most likely awesome and originated from Italy where spaghetti is king and the meatballs are made among the olive groves.
I have one that you cannot pick me up on…. My friend. He’s gay and is coming shopping with me to pick out a dress…..
World: True, true.. Most do have exquisite taste.
Tamzen Temple: So now it’s ok for you to make assumptions based on stereotypes… Ok there’s this model who is a size 22. That is pretty big BTW…
World: Oh not again…
Tamzen Temple: Listen I’m trying to tell you. She has just been signed to a major agency and proving the critics wrong. Oh whatever I can see you’re judging me. Well how about this sad story. The other day at the market there was this old lady…
World: You are now attacking the old…Don’t be so ageist….
Tamzen Temple: OMG.. Ok.. this lady… Alrighty then. This female, no.. this person of no particular gender, fell today and then someone stole her/his handbag while she was down and her husband died of a heart attack with all the stress.
World: Hmmm I suppose that wouldn’t happen to a young person.. Well parts of it would but… We’ll allow you to address an age then.
Tamzen Temple: But of all these I do have to point out this amazing phenomenom. I was shopping one night on a full moon with the Guru and I said to him…”There is a whole lot of bearded hipster-like guys here tonight.”
World: So what?
Tamzen Temple: Well I said to the Guru. “Don’t you think it’s weird that in every aisle there is a bearded guy with a plaid shirt, top pony tail and skinny jeans.”
World: You’re so picky. Who cares?
Tamzen Temple: Well maybe there is a link between hipsters and a full moon… I mean usually they have their fair-haired or dark haired partner with a thick scarf as a headband with them. But maybe on full moons they are allowed to venture out alone…
World: Stop talking Tamzen Temple.
So I did.
So back to people pretending to be something they are not. If this bad attempt at an afro haired lady feels she is black let her be… If she believes she is entitled to the history that the blacks have lived through, let her be.. if she believes that the segregation, freedom, equality, human rights that generations fought for, let her be…
Hang on a minute. That above statement is a croc of crap. How dare she lie and then take on a role within the African American community. This is mocking history and the struggles they have been through and the battles they have fought and continue to fight for equality.
There are the stereotypical things that are can be offensive and oh so wrong but there are the positive rich parts to a culture that have been earned and traditions handed down. ‘Identifying’ with being black is ridiculous and this non black woman, like the Belle health blogger faking an illness, to the couple faking a toddler tantrum that they will divorce is just totes ridiculous.
So I declare that the only people allowed to pretend to be someone else are superheroes.
Superheroes do it all the time.. pretend to be something they’re not but so do people like volunteers or nurses or ambos or police…. They all don a uniform to highlight their role so no one gets confused.
They are mostly all awesome who take on the jobs that save lives and make the world a better place and pretend that it’s no big deal.
Pointing out a person’s cultural background by me is done with absolute respect but faking any illness or race is an absolute disgrace.
Oh and clowns should be banned… They freak me out man….
The rest of the pretenders can fade away into the abyss…
Please note if the faking is included in fine print like on a copyright or disclaimer area somewhere this makes it all totally fine….
Have you faked it? Does it make you as angry as me with that so many are fakers?
Scroll scroll down to let me know. xxoo