Interview with a scandal
I am seriously nearly unemployed. My whole blog revolves around scandals and interesting news from the stars and no one has done or said anything interesting since…… well the whole uncoupling incident… and that was just ho humm..
I had to find out why there was this lull in Tinsel Town. What happened to the scandal? I mean real a gritty scandal like an affair, a fight at a club between some rappers or a secret sex tape. Where had they all gone??
If I have to read about my BFF Kimmy’s butt one more time and if the only news is that she is showing it again well, I most well start picking tomatoes to earn an honest living.
I went straight to the source and called up the Scandal herself: This is how the interview went down.
Tamzen Temple: OK I want to get straight to the point. Where have you been? I mean seriously I rely on the stars and celebs to make ridiculous decisions and there’s been nothing… I mean nothing worthwhile reporting.
Scandal: I’ve been in a hiatus for a while, to contemplate my retirement. I have been around forever and I’m tired, worn out. After the whole Arnie child thing, which I can tell you was just an average predictable act, I needed time out.
Tamzen Temple: Things have been very and I repeat, very boring in the Hollywood Hills. There’s been nothing happening except for KKs butt or Kanye’s love affair with himself
Scandal: Dreadful isn’t it. I’m partly to blame. In my time of resting I put my niece in charge. She’s young and silly and thinks that Miley Cyrus twerking and bare butts are news. She’s a trainee, an apprentice in the world of scandals and has a lot to learn.
Tamzen Temple: Has she what!!
Scandal: In her defense, things have changed though. It’s a tougher market.
Tamzen Temple: How do you mean?
Scandal: Well there are PR agents for the PR agents who have chaperones ETC for any celeb or star. They are told what to wear, what to think, what to tweet or have minders doing all that for them. There’s little room for error these days. If they do F%$* up we don’t always see. In my day I would push through any obstacle and be there to make sure that illegitimate child would make their father pay and that every magazine would get a front page pic and made up quote. I would be on the strip with the hookers learning tricks and telling them to wear redder lipstick, shorter skirts and which stars were easy bait.
Tamzen Temple: Like who, where when…. I need to know…
Scandal: Probably the one I’m most proud of causing is the Divine Brown, Hugh Grant one. I did that one really for all the women in the world. To show them that even the gorgeous Liz Hurley wasn’t enough for someone. So really there’s a lesson there.
Tamzen Temple: How do you see that? I mean if she isn’t enough what hope do we have?
Scandal: That’s my point. There’s no point in being perfect if this can still happen in a weak moment. Just be the best you that you are for yourself because shit happens in weak moments. Anyone is prone to me no matter how strong they are or if they have it all.
Tamzen Temple: Hmmm Ok, I kinda see your what you mean… What would be the highlight in your career?
Scandal: Well I did enjoy meeting you in the whole Heidi Fleiss one.
Tamzen Temple: Oh yes. I was just in the wrong place and the wrong time. I’ll tell my Temple Tribe about that one soon.
Scandal: I would have to say the whole Marilyn Monroe and President Kennedy was probably the most gliziest, juicy one. The whole Woody Allen one and his step daughter turned partner was probably one that I’m not proud of. I didn’t want to get involved in that one but I needed the cash and it was bound to happen anyway. Political scandal, definitely the Watergate one…..
Tamzen Temple: Wow, you’ve caused a lot.
Scandal: Yes, yes I have. OJ was a very high profile gripping one that kept everyone glued to their TV…. but I’d have to say Rob Lowe’s sex tapes.. I mean talk about being in the right place at the right time. He copped it on the chin and look at him now, he’s an absolute champion and a true talent.
Tamzen Temple: Are you going to return to work soon because seriously I need some material like that of the past. I do not want to write about Kanye and my sister from another mister Kimmy again.
Scandal: I will make a bit of a comeback purely to guide my predecessor a bit. I need to give this new generation a little bit of class and some grit to what they’re doing. I think Miley needs to shave her head like Britney, date one of her dancers and shoplift like Winona to give her a bit of depth. Kimmy needs to make headlines by getting her butt implants removed.. I can see the headline now: “Kim K goes in to rehabilitation to learn how to walk again after adjusting to booty weight being removed and ruining her natural balance.” Or this “Kimmy’s butt cheek removal feeds a third world country.”
Tamzen Temple: Their rather long and unbelievable headlines.
Scandal: That my dear TT is the point of a scandal. Unbelievable…, shocking and sometimes disturbing. I’ll be back very soon.
I said a tearful goodbye to old Scanz, and hoped to see her in her full glory soon as I contemplated my next career move.
In the mean time I’ll slave away over the stove, vacuum the floors and wait for old pals Brad and Ange to return my calls about the rumors of Amal’s preganancy…..
Peace and Ommmm from the Temple
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