The Gomez Girls: Interview with the Author

Who is Tamara Zito and What are Gomez Girls?

During my death I discovered there was another me….

So I thought it only right to interview the other me Tamara Zito.  She is not only the creator of Tamzen Temple, blogger and mundane model but the author of the new amazing book The Gomez Girls.

Here it is.

Tamzen Temple: Thanks for being here considering I’m dead.

Tamara Zito: You’re actually not dead, it was the only way I could shut you up while I did something worthwhile.

Tamzen Temple: Then tell us what have you been doing while I’ve gone to heaven.

Tamara Zito:  I actually completed my book that I started over twelve years ago called the Gomez Girls.

Tamzen Temple: Wow, it must be a great literary work to take that long.

Tamara Zito: Not really but it is a great concept and bit of a juicy read with some twists and swearing in it.

Tamzen Temple:  Why is it called The Gomez Girls though?

Tamara Zito:  I love Gomez Addams. Let’s face it he is hilarious, gentlemanny, adores Morticia, filthy rich with lots of spare time and any woman would be lucky to have him as a  husband. I believe that as we are born with a man’s name then possibly when we get married we get stuck with a husband’s surname, that for those who hate their husband or father they should have the option of claiming the Gomez name.  So it’s about women around the world uniting and ridding themselves of a name from men who are idiots, unfaithful or unreliable and being part of a cool group. (please note we love Gomez Guys too as there are lots of crazy women)

Tamzen Temple: WOW. That is the most brilliant concept I have ever heard of. Is there more to the book?

Tamara Zito:  Totally. Jess Bingle is the blogger who creates the Gomez Girls and she’s a freaky unhinged fruitcake and she hangs out with two housemates and has random sex with some guy called Jack..

Tamzen Temple: She sounds cool.

Tamara Zito: She is…… a lot like most bloggers I know.

Tamzen Temple: So how much and where can I buy this soon to be cult classic book from?

Tamara Zito: From AMAZON and it’s only $8.88 aus dollars because I heard that in China 8 is a lucky number so thought I’d use that formula as a sure fire way of becoming a best seller.

Tamzen Zito: You’re pretty silly with numbers hey?

Tamara Temple:  Sure are. I failed maths but am rooly good with werds.

Tamnez Temzi: Why are our names getting mucked up?

Tample Zimple: Because we are one of the same. Just go buy the book as it’s just like me buying you a coffee for $4.44 and then myself a coffee for $4.44 only without the coffee and me benefiting from your money and continuing to write more good words.

Timple Tito: I will. I shall also go like the Gomez Girls Instagram Page and share a pic of my copy there and on Facebook or Twitter with all my friends.

Zebra : Thanks for your time.  The Gomez Girls is the best book this year and all women and men who are unhappy should definitely change their surnames to Gomez.

Groundbreaking news; Women who are considering changing their surnames to Gomez for obvious reasons … Melena Trump, Nadia off Married at First Sight,  Peg Bundy, Brooke Logan, Katie Holmes.

Let us know if you know any others or tell me if you read The Gomez Girls and what you thought.

Scroll, scroll down to tell.

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I Quit Asparagus: 7 Day Challenge

Asparagus Finito

asparagus

Whew.. I’m doing it…  I’m quitting asparagus.

It took me a whole four years to think of what I could quit. I’d already quit smoking through a brilliant hypnotist (although now whenever I hear the word cigarette, I crow like a rooster) I don’t have much sugar and I’m not into gambling of late…

I can’t give up social media as I freaking love Instagram too much….so after much thought, I thought with this growing trend of quitting things I really must join in.

So I took the bold step to quit this green funny vegetable. (Please note, as I gave up asparagus the picture may contain broccoli instead)

It was a hard journey and one I was hesitant to begin.  BUT as I do like to follow the trends of social media in the oversharing of sharing what is being quit, started, eaten, Donald Trump, hashtags, cat videos and quotes.. I thought it was my obligation as the writer of the ridiculous and social media hashtagger to document my physical and mental state through this challenge.


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I call it the Seven Day Asparagus Ingestion Embargo.

Day One..

I wake up instantly craving asparagus… I think about the long slender sexy body and the funny Marge Simpson hair top thingy, a clash of beauty and insanity.  I laugh and think how much fun asparagus is and then slap myself across the face and eat raw pumpkin instead. It tastes crap but it stopped me thinking of asparagus.
#margesimpsonsfunnyvegetablehair

Day Two

Lunch date and I met my bestie Gwyneth Paltrow at the local cafe.. OMG she freaking orders asparagus..  I yell at her.. “Are you freaking for real Gwynnie??!!  You know I’m doing the Asparagus Ingestion Embargo.. What sort of a friend are you, you green eater?”

She tries to calm me but it’s too late.  The waiter brings out her order and I take it from his hand and throw it in her face.  “We are no longer friends you asparagus harlot. We are officially uncoupled.”

I left her crying in the cafe and felt bad but seriously, what sort of a friend orders asparagus?

#uncoupledasparagus

I quit asparagus

Day Three

I went to the supermarket to get the usual milk, bread blah blahh……. and right there in front of me was asparagus.. on special. Two for five dollars.. That’s a fifty cent saving and the temptation was great.  I turned my back and walked away and bought a pack of chocolate coated doughnuts instead.   Phew I nearly folded but doing this felt like a turning point to the seven day challenge.

#asparagustwospecialdeal

 

Day Four

I watch Sesame Street with Bronzy and there are dancing vegetables… including an asparagus.  Why, why am I being haunted by asparagus..? I mean I hadn’t eaten it for one year prior to this Asparagus Ingestion Embargo and now I have chosen to quit asparagus it’s in my face everywhere….

I feel terrible as I turn off the TV. Bronzy cries as he begs for me to turn it back on so he can learn the alphabet.  I tell him that Sesame Street is evil and he can never watch it again. He looks at me confused with tears in his eyes and I comfort him with chocolate and icecream.

#sesamestreetvscutevegetables

Day Five

I’m feeling edgy.   Everything I look at reminds me of asparagus.  I have four strong coffees in a row. Bronzy is at kinda so I have time to think and all I can think about is asparagus.   I want a cigarette and start crowing.  I search the house and find an old pack along with some old dried up tips of asparagus.. I mix it in with the cigarette and find that smoking asparagus takes away the edge.

#asparagussmoker

Day Six

I start searching online for asparagus…. I feel like I’m cheating looking at all the asparagus pictures….  I find one of white asparagus.  I instantly gag at the thought of eating this…  I have no idea why.

asparagus

#idontfeellikeasparagustoday

Day Seven

I made it.   I feel liberated.  I last the whole day without asparagus.  I don’t even think about it, possibly because I started drinking at 10am.   It’s a Sunday and they drink wine at church so I drink champagne at the Temple….

Findings

I felt a little solemn after I sobered up. I looked up the health benefits of asparagus and it’s really good for you.   Apparently it’s great for hangovers. So I went straight down to Woolies and bought some and put Sesame Street while I cooked it.   The house feels normal again and the Guru has come back inside after a week of avoiding me by hiding in the shed.

If you’ve been thinking about quitting asparagus, do it.. Challenge yourself.   Even though I’m back on it… I’ve never felt better….

What have you quit???? Scroll scroll down to let me know.

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The Baby Myth: Pre-Parenthood.

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The Baby Myth Exposed

Prior to the discovering the baby myth I was living happily with Micko the Temple Guru with no responsibility, an abundance of cash and slept in lazily every Sunday.

As a professional makeruppera, I usually write about all my superstar friends, bits happening on social media and other ridiculous bits.

Today however, I thought I should share a revelation to parenthood. Expose the truth of what parenthood really involves and why the F#$% anyone who thought about it in depth prior to having a child would want to do it.

You meet that special someone and have a yearning to have a child. You don’t know why this is,  you just as a female or male, a couple or even as a single male or female want to start a family. Procreate, have one of yourself.. have a baby….

The big B word. Baby baby baby…..

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And that’s the word that sucks you into the vortex… BABY.. cute, squishy, smoochy, big sigh moments, a feeling you may miss out, a natural part of life.. Baby… and I wasn’t even the maternal type.

The Baby Myth of all of the above makes no sense when we say it out aloud removing the baby part.

Instead of “I would love a baby” (the first time around)  what you’re really asking for, wishing for is something completely unknown.  This is known as ‘the baby myth’ Any baby after that, well you should know better.

When you say, I would love a piece of chocolate cake you know you’re getting cake but saying I would love a baby is like saying you would love an alien.  How do your freaking know you would love an alien?  You’ve never even met an alien and only know about aliens by movies such as ET and Alf and sure while ET was cute, Alf was more like a hairy old demanding man and what if the alien was like Mork and fully grown with strange quirky habits?

The baby myth of the cute commercials we see on TV or the dad pushing the pram as he gazes into his partner’s eyes… awww how sweet, what a man, the baby has bought out his soft side.

baby myth

The baby Myth is a feeling you think you may get, as they say all sorts of rubbish like, life is made up of moments… or you remember the feeling of the moment and you want all the moments and feelings you see in all the false advertising packaged in a perfect baby.

You’re asking for a little person who is part of yourself and the one you love, for parents of adopted baby are seeking completion to a possible unreachable unfathomable dream of having a child.

Not long after I got pregnant at the ripe age of 40 I had a bit of a panic attack.. I thought WTF am I doing? Why do I want this creature inside me?  It just happened, this egg spermy thing implanted itself there and although I wished for it throughout my life, I had no idea what I was wishing for.

There is a  random stranger in my stomach that I won’t meet for months and when he or she arrives they will take control of my life.

Babies do all of the following and I can’t for the life of me, work out why when you wish for a baby, what you’re really wishing for is for someone:

  1. To meet on a blind date in the delivery room or wherever they decide to arrive and highly likely fall in love with or possibly not.  It’s a gamble. (the percentages are higher than Tinder)
  2. To exit my body via a small cavity with the aid of a vacuum cleaner.
  3.  To hang off my boobs for a year or more.
  4. Who poops their pants for two or more years and expects me to change them.
  5. To cook for, for the next 18 or so years.. (Kind of like the Micko the Temple Guru but fussier)
  6. Who wakes me up several times a night because they’re hungry or cold or too hot or for no reason at all.  (Sometimes like Micko)
  7. Who spits on me and vomits over me constantly but especially when I put on my best clothes.
  8. Who will pee on me when their privates are exposed to air.
  9. To be a taxi driver for and drop them off to everything they need even when it conflicts with what I’m doing. (Teenagers & Micko again)
  10. To ask every half hour.. I’m hungry, what is there to eat? (WTF I’m talking about a toddler not Micko)
  11. Who makes a constant mess and has no intention of cleaning up. (Micko on the weekends)
  12. Who asks you to buy them commercially advertised products that they will never use. (Mattel or Bunnings)
  13. Who doesn’t listen to anything I say. (Most people)
  14. Who laughs at me when I fall over or walk into the wall. (BFF)
  15. To hit me on the head or stick their finger up my nose to wake me up.
  16. Who destroys the newspaper before I have even read it. (A dog)
  17. Who believes they are an artist and draws on the walls, carpets and anywhere else there is a blank patch.
  18. Who I will have to talk down from out of a tree.
  19. Who believes they control the remote and hides it in the toilet or bin to ensure it stays on their channel.
  20. Who will cause me continual anguish and worry when they are not near.
  21. To bring into the world that is being destroyed by humans.
  22. To bring into the world among psychopaths knowing you can’t be there to protect them every second of their lives.
  23. So I can leave a job I love and become unemployable because I will choose to be home with you for the first few years of your life.
  24. Who I have to spend every last cent on and leave me only a dollar occasionally. (Hmm I think I may do that to Micko)

You would not allow an adult to control you this way but for some bizarre primal reason you freaking want to do it for a baby. The Baby Myth doesn’t matter as if it did mankind would cease to exist.

baby myth

So see!! You don’t need a baby. Aside from points 1,3  and 4 you can pretty much get what you need of a partner, friend or random person or Mork like alien who you let live for free in your spare room or couch.  You would have a line of a hundred apply for the job of you to do all of the above or just take in an old person.

Ask a couple who is trying to have a baby.. “Why do you want a baby..?” They may be stumped because they don’t really know why.. they may come back with.. “We want to start a family”….  Why???  “Ummm because that’s what most do..”  It will be because of all the warm and fuzzy reasons, all the primal reasons but for no real reason at all.

Then give them the list.. and they will still want one because they want to learn from their own mistakes and they see how happy you are with your child unaware the happiness they see are crazy smiles from sleep deprivation.

Luckily the gamble paid off and I loved being knocked up, even enjoyed the pain of childbirth and totes think my boy Bronzy is the most awesome of all.

I tell Bronzy every day that he it the best thing that ever happened to me and he says the same back to me. (Except the time he got Bumble Bee the Transformer.)

Go have a baby or not but they will do the following to you:

  1. Make you realise that you can fall in love with a complete stranger.
  2. That you would die for someone without a thought.
  3. That there is so much goodness in the world
  4. That you adore your life although it is completely different to what you ever imagined or wished for.

Anywho.
Peace and Ommmmni from the Temple.
Scroll scroll down to let me know your thoughts.

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Looks Matter: So Stop Looking

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Appearance is everything……

The story of the girl I saw with the pink and blue hair…  a green tartan skirt with holey black stockings.   Purple shirt with a red vest.  Absolutely owning her look.  Big false lashes and a baby doll face.  Bright red lips and a hole in her ear as big as a five cent piece.  Chunky boots that carried an aura to be envious of…..

YET slowly her shoulders slouched as eyes scanned her……. 😥 Their looks judged her as their eyes scanned her with their burning questions to themselves in their empty skulls of why would you choose to wear that, be a little different….????

I heard a guy say to his partner…”Someone should tell her she looks like a freak.”

I hovered ready to pounce if anyone did.

Who cares what anyone looks like as long as they are Just Being Freaking Nice….OK..!

He may have looked ‘normal’ (oh so boring) but to me he was the freak believing that his opinion mattered.

She is not carrying a knife, a gun or a swearing profanities.  She patted a child’s head as she walked past and smiled at the little urchin who probably thought she was a life sized doll.

If she didn’t care about his shallow, sheltered, one dimensional personality then why should he care about how she looks  for the fleeting moment he has seen her. They will most likely never cross paths again so back off dude.

Anywho. Looks do matter… If you look at yourself and feel awesome and reflect who you are then your looks matter to yourself and no one else.

The looks however the glaring disapproving, wondering from others can be the difference in someone’s life.

Love how you look , don’t ever care how others look at you.

Join the Temple Tribe to spread the NiCE message.

Have you ever stared longer than you should… been checked out for the wrong reasons?? Scroll scroll down to let me know.

Peace and Ommmni from the Temple. xo

Dear Me: A Letter to the Younger Me.

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Dear Younger Me…

To the younger me,

The seventeen year old me….. not the four year old me because you can’t read yet.. So the seventeen year old me might be best, although you may not listen so I’ll make it the twenty five year old younger me.

Why are you reading this letter?  Do you have some sort of mental condition to believe that you can read letters from the future, younger me?

Are you a time traveller? If so can you come to here, the current time, but first go past the current me to the seventy five year old me to tell me any mistakes I might make?

But really, you younger me….

What really do you expect to learn from reading a letter from the future.?

I don’t think it will matter what I tell you as you will either do two things..

You may not listen and live your life just as you have.

Or you may be influenced by what I tell you and therefore change the fate of others through not being me of the past therefore you will alter the course of your destiny.

So there…

I am actually rather happy with who I am and who you were, so although there were crap moments, missed opportunities and bad hair, they all led you to where I am and you are today.

I do however want to tell you a few vital bits of what will happen to you as at the time I was shocked and you will be more prepared to handle them.

You actually were kidnapped by the government and fitted with robotic legs so you could jump to the moon and a prosthetic eye that allowed you to see around and through the world.

You married a robot called  Ultron and had babies that were cross bred and looked like humans with Toyota qualities.

Kidding. I’m just f&%$ing with your brain.  At least you can see you turned out hilarious, funny and extremely talented with letter writing.

But back to the truth.
If you had not experienced all the f&%$ ups then you or I would not be me and with these you are actually rather awesome at 45.

You, dear younger me have a rather high opinion of yourself and believe you are a Temple Queen.

Oh younger me, you like who you are and are a world famous blogger.  You do fake interviews with real superstars and will meet a big spunk called Micko the Temple Guru who is a big hottie.

Together you will become the creative minds you were destined to be.

So don’t freaking rush it. He had lessons to learn before meeting you so leave him alone until then.

I beg you not to read this letter or change anything because I would not be the me of today if you did.

I wish I could write a letter to the future me and there I would tell myself where I left my keys and if I will end up in a real Temple.

xo Love you, I mean me….

Peace and Ommmni.

xoxo

younger me

What would you say to the younger you??? I’d love to know. Scroll scroll down and tell me please. xo

 

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The Theory of Nice.

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Nice, Niceties and Notorious

Nice:  A generic word often used to describe an average situation, person or place in life.  Nice is not amazing nor is it terrible. It is a base line which we all walk on.  It is also used when all other positive or negative words fail to describe a person, event, place.  Eg. We had a crap time… would be replaced with nice as not to offend the people you hung out with.

To further explain the Theory of Nice in a geographic sense I have provided you with examples based on a holiday home. We replaced the real feelings of people with the word NICE and the list is a brief summary of what this statement could possibly mean.

It was nice.  (The holiday home)

  1. It was old and decrepit house but the owners are really proud of it and allowed us to stay there for free.
  2. It was average and there was nothing to do and they didn’t even have Foxtell.
  3. There was only cheap instant coffee there wasn’t even a pod machine so our weekend was ruined because of this but if we admit this we would look shallow
  4. It was nice: I can’t remember as I was drunk most of the time and are not even sure where I slept or who with.
  5. It was nice: It was freaking awesome.  spa, pool, basketball court, butler… we don’t want to give too much away or give it a great review because they may put up the prices if it becomes too popular and you might book in on the same weekend as us and then we’ll have to wait.

When talking about people here are some examples of what nice may mean.

She is nice. (or he)  can translate into:

  1. She’s an absolute bitch. She is nasty and I’m not saying anything more in case it gets back to her and she hunts me down and tries to cause turbulence in my life. I will do everything to avoid her.
  2. She is so boring and I wanted to blow my brains out.
  3. She is is another world, another life, another timezone to me and although she is ‘nice’ I just don’t understand her and never will. It’s best to part ways now.
  4. I can’t remember her name and am not even sure who you are talking about.
  5. She is beyond nice.  She is perfect and stunning and gorgeous and I want to marry her and become a lesbian because of her.  I don’t want you meeting her because she will make me look below average and she might choose to be your BFF and all the ground work I have done so far will be disregarded.

The Theory of Nice.

If you hadn’t noticed the Temple catchphrase is to “Just Be Freaking Nice OK!!”   We stand by this statement but wanted to expand on it.

To assist you I have provided you with a basic chart to assist you in understanding my theory.

nice

I’m happy living a nice life but if it was nice all the way I don’t believe I would be fulfilled.

Nice is safe and an OK place to be.  To aim for ‘just nice’ in your own life however for me,  isn’t enough.

On the left you will see the bare minimum I believe you should aim for when it comes to your own life.  Lots of nice moments but there has to be passion, fulfilment, dreams and there should be lots of freaking amazing moments.

By saying I’m happy living a nice life you are saying, I am happy living a neither extraordinary life nor one that involves too many deep emotions. I sit safely in the middle unnoticed and untouched by anything that great or that risky.

It is actually OK to stay on the nice area, as long as there is the appreciation to a nice life.

Now on the right is where our slogan: Just be Freaking Nice. OK!! originates from. We believe that if is not in your nature to be an inspiration or provide motivation to others, the bare minimum you should be is nice.

If you can’t support people, treat them with respect or be honest with them at least be nice.

Don’t ever allow a situation or person to bring out traits in  the area below nice.  While others may be rude, inconsiderate, jealous or plot revenge, they are missing out on the simplicity and rewards of being nice.

There.  It is as simple as that and this is written proof of why I failed psychology. I have no interest in actual studies in the area, I believe I am right through my own thoughts on the basic requirements of nice.

So if someone pushes in front of you at the supermarket, tell them that it is rude. If they then spit in your face and call you an old cow you can either look at them and feel pity that they obviously lead a very sad, twisted life and the evidence is there that they are not nice.

If you say however: Hey you feral rude freak. Wait your turn.  Don’t push in front of me or I will put a curse on you to be charged double for that chicken you’re scanning. Expect a more verbal, possibly violent reaction from them.

Why not try: Did you want to go first? I don’t mind. In a genuine tone and they may be left confused to if they were displaying their normal behavior or if it was your idea for them to go first.

Oh it’s getting too complex now.

Just be nice freaking nice OK!! We may change the world slowly by displaying good manners despite those who are not nice.

But make your own life awesome.

Peace and  OMmmmni…

xoxo

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Seventy and Live Music at the Temple

Live at the Temple: Seventy

Music makes your heart sing and recent studies have found that singing will improve your brainpower by feeding the happiness section with seventy molecular bio beans proven by Einstein to make you smile.

They also discovered whilst eating doughnuts during the study that and awesome music will help you loose weight by making you shake your booty. (unfounded research and words used)

I don’t believe that there is a single person in the world who could say they hate music. There is just too many styles (over seventy) and artists to choose from to put a blanket hate on them all just as loving them all is going to be highly unlikely.

But there will be a tune, a beat, a symphony, a hum that evokes an memory a feeling of happiness, sadness, love or just plain annoyance.

Things have been quiet here on my blog because I have finally convinced the Temple Guru to just freaking sing.  He likes a song or two and is the guy that gives beautiful, amazing speeches at weddings, has the words to color the world and the heart to fully express it.

So after years of my non-musical, screeching voice yelling, annoying, pestering him to just sing, he finally got his mates Madge and Vaughn to hang out and jam.

I have discovered that among this singing is a songwriting wiz who has created with his mates, some freaking awesome tunes beyond what I thought possible.

I wanted to share with you my favorite song thus far called Seventy, that the boys have created.  Micko wrote the lyrics, Madge and Vaughn the music.  They play weekly in the shed Saturday afternoons at 2.30 and we stream live on Periscope. (Australian est)

So here is the big hit to be of 2016 as predicted by Dylan.

It’s called Seventy.

We hope you enjoy and join us Live at the Temple when you can.  Follow us to follow their journey each Saturday or head to the Temple Youtube channel to see the latest.

Peace Ommmm and music to all.
Like it, share it and I’ll love you forever.

xoxo Tamzen Temple

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A Super Sponsored Post

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A Super Reminder of Awesomeness

Super news… I attended the Warner Bros Christmas party in Melbourne.

This is me and some super, random crazed obsessed fan who recognised me there and wanted  a pic taken with me with a super funky Warner Bros backdrop.

super funny blogs

I walked in as me, my awesome self, Tamzen Temple… and walked out called the More Freaking Awesome, Super Amazing Yet Still Stunningly Intriguing, TT.

Yes, with a gift bag in hand for attending with all this Super Hero stuff in it and invincible sprinkled all over me, I came home and wanted to share my life, since this day, this transformation of me.

Since then……. the two hours of being surrounded by all things super,  I have come to realise that a lot of adults have many issues.

I just don’t understand why I as an adult get glares from obviously envious people because I am wearing my Wonder Woman suit at the supermarket.
I mean think about the code there….. SUPER market. It’s a no brainer and obviously where they hang out.

I just keep missing them.

And BTW Bronzy never gets glares but instead, loving stares when he ventures out as a little Batman.. He gets a zillion compliments of ..”oh you’re so cute…”

He has also fallen in love with the Flash and runs around the house certain there are flames coming from his feet caused by the stealth swiftness of his speed. The pic below is not Bronzy but be a pre-enactment of Bronzy on Christmas day as the Flash!!  (Flash suit available from Target, Myers, Toys are us and Spotlight)

super

But back to me…

Why is there still a stigma toward those who are a little bit flamboyant in what they wear?

“Would you prefer my bleached holey trackies?” I ask the girl at the register?

“Why does me, dressed as Wonder Woman make you feel uncomfortable???” Crickets chirping…..

She scans at the speed of light to get me out of there.

I mean like, she, who is in the club of pastelly purple hair is judging me….?

She who has a nose ring covered with a skin colored band-aid, fluorescent green colored fake contacts in thinks I look silly??

But then I realise she probably missed the original version of Wonder Woman and doesn’t have that deep connection to the glass invisible jet, gold lassoo and the Amazon women that I have.

BTW Micko the Temple Guru, if you are reading this…. I love this mug and it’s available from TYPO.

super

Look…it’s got its little cape and all……….

I forgot how much I loved superheroes.  I relived it by  spinning in the lounge room trying to turn into Wonder Woman (showing Bronzy how it was done) and even when I went really fast it never happened.

What I realize now is all women are absolutely wonderful and secretly have superpowers of their own that many don’t fully reveal.
They stay disguised for fear others feeling threatened of their super humanness. otherwise known as survival of being a mum, a woman or just an adult…..

How many times have you looked at a fellow female friend and thought…. how does she do that?  Be it have an immaculate home or neat children or perfectly groomed hair or be unbelievably organised, the ability to cook a gourmet meal while hanging out the washing.  Whatever it is, each of us women have super qualities, unique qualities that the other might not. Thank goodness the majority of us have evolved to admire it and high five one another instead of feeling insecure….

If you haven’t done so,  tie a tea towel around your neck like a cape whilst doing the house work, or better still go and purchase an adult super suit..  If that’s not your style add a little super with one of these..

Justice League Sterling Silver Bracelet

Seriously you will feel much more invincible and mop those floors super fast while flipping pancakes all while reading a book to your child knowing you have a super emblem attached to you somewhere.

I decided after attending the Warner Bros Christmas Party.  Big sigh……  that I will take the Super Hero Christmas oath of buying everyone I buy for, something superhero…. but only after I purchase all things off the super list I made….

Out of all the super things I saw that day, I have to say my favorite was this canvas.  It looked freaking super retro and covered a bunch of super moments.  And… as I hyperventalate that it is, was or will be available at Aldi.

super

 

That same day on arrival home, Micko wore the Superman socks I kept for him, I swear he moved faster than ever.  He was up, up and away making me a coffee in my non caped Wonder Woman mug I was given and said these exact words…. “There’s something different about you today, something super.”

And this made me think. No bad can come out of superheroes.  They represent power and the good in mankind that just so happen to be unhuman or superhuman.. but my point is we all need reminders and a good dose of super heroes to remember how super life is.

Get someone you love something super heroish to remind them that to you, they are super freaking amazing in all they do.

From Superhero Lego, jewelry, games, calendars….Keep an eye out for all the amazing products from DC Comics, Lord of the Rings, Looney Tunes this Christmas.

Peace and Ommmm from the Temple. xx

Please note, although I was given products, I was not asked to write anything but wanted to as I was totes super impressed. Xx

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Oversung Heroes & the Needless.

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Oversung Heroes:  Out of Chord.

In breaking news, a man did something nice for a disabled person.

The story took place yesterday at a local cafe where a twenty four year old male named Joe Doe opened a door for a woman in a wheelchair.

“I went in first and saw her and thought it would be the right thing to do.  I wasn’t at all influenced by the fact that she was in a wheelchair in fact I actually didn’t notice until a person filmed the incident and I saw it on Facebook today.”  Mr Doe commented.

It appears many have been swooping in on this new craze of helping others.

An earlier incident this month, at a fast food chain,  saw good Samaritan Billy Smith captured on IPhone carrying an amputee’s tray to a table.

“To be honest he was holding up the line and I just wanted my chips.  But after becoming a social media hero, I now seek opportunities to help others…

But only if they fit a certain criteria and only if I have my crew nearby.  There’s not much point if no one sees.. It’s like a tree in a forest, if you know what I mean?”

Mr Smith said his parents did teach him manners but it never occurred to him that personal fulfilment would be enough.

“I find it more rewarding to receive shares and likes than just a thank you and have found it to become a new source of income or at least freebies which is totes awesome.

I get filmed, I usually end up with a free meal because I’ve been so generous helping the disabled or those less physically or mentally as fortunate as myself and the business itself  gets shared on social media.

So it’s a win, win, win situation really. Except I suppose for those I’m helping.  I mean it must be crap living like that.  You know, being different and all.”

When asked if he targets any specific type of person to help he commented. “The oldies are out.  Gone are the days of helping an old lady across the road.   Unless you throw a twenty to one of them that have been fleeced by some overseas online fake lover.

The disabled and those with mental illness or other medical conditions are the new black.  In fact I helped a colored person feel part of Australia the other day despite not understanding a word he said.

You know, with all these unwanted refugees, boat people and stuff I thought I’d try and turn it around a little.

Change people’s perceptions on these aliens.   Turns out he was Koori or something.  I have no idea where the country Koori is but I bet he’s glad we let him into Australia.”

Psychologists are hailing this behavior as groundbreaking.  Displaying manners or acts of kindness  on social media has bought about a bizarre social change.

Ms Preston of the Psycho Oz SM explains  “Where it was once normal behavior to assist those in need,  or being just freaking nice regardless of any disability, age, color, sex;   many are getting sucked into sharing feel good stories which portray those with a disability as hapless souls when in fact they are actually human beings with functioning, fulfilled lives that have survived without these social media junkies that believe they are making society better.

You will notice a common trend.  Most of those being helped remain nameless.  They become merely a tool for the person assisting them  to create crap content for their Facebook feed.”

Social media ethics of Austaliaoz have called for an end to this type of sharing.  It’s not just photos of these incidents but the long stories that go with it.  They usually begin with…

I was driving/walking/shopping when I saw a disabled/gay/colored/mentally ill person.  Now this story isn’t about me ….(Yeah right) but I wanted to share with you what I learned about this  disabled/gay/colored/mentally ill person… Blah blah blah … then it usually goes on to a finale of what they did for this person out of the goodness of their heart.
If you have witnessed such an post please ignore.

Ask yourself:

  • Why is the person being assisted nameless?”
  • Why do we need to share stories of niceness instead of just being nice and showing common courtesy?
  • Why are you spending so much time reading them instead of reading a book to your child or helping your partner do the dinner dishes?
  • Why are you reading this that I just made up?  (Oh because you are so nice.. Thanks a bunch xo)

Peace and OmmmmG can everyone just be freaking nice?  OK!!

Please note.  I do believe that people believe they are doing good sharing these stories but if we think about it, niceness and decency should not be a news story but a way of life.

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I’m Pretty: Don’t Judge me.

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A heartfelt letter from a pretty girl.

Coincidences often happen at the Temple and two weeks ago I had this guest post written by the stunning Miss Vee Pretty Belle Bloom ready to go. Apparently being beautiful has its pitfalls (I myself have never suffered or experienced this) but since getting Miss Vee to write this it has been revelaed that another pretty girl Felicia Czochanskihas had to face scrutiny for admitting she too battles the chronic condition of beauty.

Both have been the target of vicious tweets and had to find inner strength to deal with the battle.

 

pretty girl blogger

Here it is written by the pretty girl herself.

Miss Vee Pretty Belle Bloom

I have struggled all my life being beautiful.   When I was young people would often point out that I was the pretty one out of my sister and I.

She would often cry when hearing this and throw her toys at the mirror when she looked at her ugly self but it was really me who suffered as I had to deal with this internal and external battle of beauty.

My sister was extremely intelligent and although I pretend to be intelligent any bit of intelligence I had was pushed aside.

I wore pretty dresses, ribbons in my hair and I didn’t realise that this would lead to all sorts of assumptions that I could get through life on my  looks alone.

As I got older it got harder.  I would be automatically chosen for school plays based on my looks, not for my talent, picked by the most popular boys for formals and pointed out as an example of what good hair and skin looks like during human development.

Because of my incredibly flawless beauty I have lost the ability to do the most simple of things.  This has put me at a disadvantage in life and although I struggle at times, I will not let this disability of beauty get in the way of me living a full and active life.

pretty blogger

I forgot how to do simple tasks as those around me jumped at the chance to do them for me.  I no longer knew how to open a door as so many men rushed to open it for me when I approached, that I recently got stuck at work when I was the last to leave.

I was missing for three nights as it was over the weekend.  I was found on the Monday morning in lunch room trying to change the channel of the microwave with a cordless phone. (Who knew such a thing existed?)

Other obstacles I have to deal with are:

  • No idea of money as so much of what I have is paid for by sugar daddies and those trying to get laid.
  • Inability to turn a tap on as I am fully reliant on bottled Evian or Voss, not only be hydrated or to keep my skin glowing but to look amazingly fashionable doing so.
  • I am unable to deal with the big issues like split ends or a small pimple.   I however do not let this get in the way of my life but instead book in for a full makeup application at Mac with a trim and blow wave followed by GHD straightening.
  • Inability to experience the basics of life that others may take for granted such as doing the dishes or making a bed. I cannot risk breaking a fingernail.
  • Painful calves.. These are a common symptom of beautiful people and a few ugly ones that wear heels. They are a vital part of our survival and we cannot run or move fast with the heels being a massive impairment. (I am currently campaigning for disability stickers to be available to us beautiful people so we can park close to the shops to lessen the burden)
  • Mood swings: these can come about if a favorite shade of lipstick is discontinued, if I miss my spray tan appointment or there is any fluctuation in my perfect size 6.

I am inundated with offers from modelling agents but refuse to be labelled and go down this path.  I will not allow society to put me in a box and make me wear designer clothes to be displayed in magazines and billboards.  I will however continue to wear them and display what I wore, on Instagram to my one billion followers and get paid over inflated rates to do so.

I hope to raise awareness in this area of beauty discrimination that is overlooked and often looked over, up and down often.

Until then I pray that I will not be the subject of favourable actions by people, especially men just because I am gorgeous and really pretty unless they are actual real tangible expensive gifts or vouchers.  (I prefer vouchers, or diamonds)

pretty blogger

I want the government to look at funding programs to educate people not to stare for more than five seconds at us stunning people.  It makes us doubt ourselves and if their stares linger, I have to take a selfie to check I haven’t got anything stuck in between my teeth or to if I have parted my hair the right way to the most flattering side.  The stares really play with my brain and then I have to think.

I also want to lessen the gap between the beautiful like myself and the unfortunate ugly people.

They don’t have the funds to maintain their regrowth which is unsightly or keep their wardrobe updated and wearing fashion from three seasons ago will make them look even more undesirable and unless we get the funds for them in fashion, hair and eradicate blue eye shadow and thick eyeliner,  the cycle will continue.   They should all be given free gym memberships so we don’t have to look at their muffin tops and this will bring us closer together.  (Not in the same caliber but closer)

When I asked V. Pretty Belle Bloom about the internet trolls she answered simply.

I will block those who make nasty comments on social media or show them my intelligence through my intelligence comments..

kg prett

Waddah!!

We thank Miss Vee for her contribution and pray to the Temple Gods that she humbles just a little.

It does annoy me a little however.

We encourage women to share their stories and when they don’t fall in line to what societal rules of being compassionate to the sensitivities of every possible sector, we condemn and make them feel like we need to teach them a lesson, make them run and hide in disgrace.  Felicia has since closed her Instagram account and no doubt retreated from the hounds.

Show a woman overweight we embrace her for loving her body, show woman happy with her skinny frame we assume it will make others feel inferior and say it’s sending the wrong message.

Give Felicia (but not Miss Vee) a break, she’s telling a story, her story.  Like any young person they learn lessons the hard way.  They may be absolutely valid in her mind and self-absorbed she may seem, we learn from others even if we don’t agree.  Soon we won’t know the real truth to anything as we will be bound to what we think people want to hear and fear scrutiny.

Anywho… I believe that everyone is pretty damn gorgeous.  It’s not about a  look but a confidence of acceptance to yourself and then you can glow like the beaming moon.

xoxoxoxo

Shine on.

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