9 & 1/2 Shades of Grey: FSOG

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Dakota and Jamie on my desk… #FiftyShades

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9 1/2 Weeks of FSOG

I tried to stay away from the hype but Fifty Shades of Grey just kept ringing me and texting me and  sending me emails… blah blah….

I just wasn’t interested in getting involved as I was getting rather tired of the same churned out stories of “this movie should be banned”  to “the book saved my marriage.”

So I buckled…. (Did they use buckles in the movie because I haven’t seen it?)

Here is the exclusive interview with the movie itself..  Fifty Shades of Grey. (FSOG)

Tamzen Temple: Welcome you skanky movie. Why all the fuss?

FSOG:  I know I know… well apparently if you aren’t one of the millions that have read the book and you see the movie you won’t understand that he is a complete idiot because of  the back-story of his mother etc, etc etc….. I’m a great example of a dominant and violent relationship and this is irking some people.

Tamzen Temple:  I’ve got  to be honest, I haven’t read you and probably have no intention of seeing you on the big screen.

FSOG: You what?  You sit here and are judging me without getting to know me at all??

Tamzen Temple: Listen and just calm down…you called me remember.  I’m lucky to read the paper let alone a book, I haven’t seen a movie since the one George Clooney made about me.. A Tam Before Time… and that had a few graphic love scenes in it also… Anywho…. I’m not judging you at all or your intelligence, just as I wouldn’t judge those who see you.  I’m just finding there are so many justifying why they saw it.. Many say they are going to watch you to make an informed decision..

FSOG: Yes and many have read the book to also ensure their views are informed !  If  you know what I mean.  Research.. …Millions are doing research…

Tamzen Temple:  What do you think of your story?  Do you think you promote violence in women through the dominance and controlling behavior from Christian to Ana?

FSOG:  Seriously!  This is a fake story. Fiction but I’m not going to hide the fact that this goes on in real life either.  Some women may be trapped in relationships as this, and maybe some men may be dominated and mentally abused in the same way.

Maybe some people  may see me as a way to spice up their relationships and maybe there might be a few that see similarities in their relationships and take in all the media to identify that they are living in an abusive one.

Tamzen Temple: It has been the most talked about movie for a while I must say.  Sex sells and the media and all it’s coverage has only made more curious.

FSOG: Let me ask you this TT.. Have you seen A Clockwork Orange, Fight Club?  How many times have you watch The Godfather?  Don’t you think Bad Boy Bubby was the most disturbing film ever..?  How about poor Norman Bates with mummy issues in Psycho.  All of them show men being abused, disturbed and manipulated.  The Stepford Wives…..or the TV series Big Love glorifying polygamy.   There are plenty of bad , wrong or inappropriate movies and shows out there that show disgusting, demeaning behavior…   The Exorist…

Tamzen Temple:  Oh yeah, I still feel for Linda Blair being allowed to act in that at such a young age but we know that that one is a horror.  It’s not mainstream to what could happen or what is acceptable behavior.

FSOG:  Well then tell me, do you make love to the Guru or have sex?  Do you practice fantasies, hire hookers, or wear sexy things to get him going, eat oysters, have a glass or red prior?  Do you go to a motel to spice it up a bit? Have you ever had sex in a public place or picked up a random in a nightclub and had a quickie in the stairwell, tell your partner what you want and demand it?  Did you love the added danger?  Did you regret it?

Tamzen Temple: I don’t feel the need to share any of that with you.  That’s not what this is about.  I’m just asking if you feel the need for the outrage that has come from your release?  DO you believe that you have disguised domestic violence in raunchy sex despite the victim being vulnerable?

FSOG:  Well maybe a little but sex sells and has obviously sold with the millions of books  already proving this.  I myself wouldn’t want to sit in a theater full of people watching me.. I’m basically mid porn and would rather do that in the comfort of my own home.   I find other facets of life more disturbing.

Tamzen Temple: What facets of life are these?

FSOG:  That many young men think women are hairless and shaped like Barbies naturally because of all the porn they watch and that young children go un-monitored by their parents as they play warfare games blowing off people’s heads, stabbing them with full graphic details.  I find online bullying of teens a problem.  You see there is so much more wrong with the world than a movie with an MA+ classification.

Tamzen Temple: Yes there is but the rating is low for what I have heard you contain.  15 year olds are quiet impressionable.  Many haven’t even ventured down the sex road yet and seeing this prior to their first sexual experience will either scare the crap out of them if bondage is expected or if they are excited by it, well God help their first victim.

FSOG:  Well let’s hope their parents use it to talk…. I actually got a call from my counterpart from way back  9 1/2 weeks.  She gave me some good advice.

Tamzen Temple:  OMG that brings back memories… Wasn’t there a fridge, a hat and food involved??  Anywho, what advice did she give you?

FSOG: Basically she said I will be forgotten about after the DVD and that there will be another in the future that will make me look mild… She also said not to insult the viewer’s intelligence and take away their choice of watching it.  Hopefully any young women will have the grounding and security in themselves to know this is not the norm…

I called for an interval and decided to leave bored by it all..

Oh we pray that the hype and attention will be washed away with a super-sized coke, large popcorn and a choctop.

Peace and OMG just forget about it already from the Temple.

Just scroll scroll down to share your FSOG experience.

xoxoxo

Have you joined the Temple Tribe?  Just go on and enter your details in the “You’re adorable” section.  Confirm (could be in your spam or junk for some unknown reason) then tadaa…. you are officially the coolest person in the world.

This is a MINTERVIEW

If you would like a highly intelligent post on FSOG you must visit Team Oyeniyi   They are rather amazing.

If you would like to practice safe sex you should visit Durex to find out all the info the why and how.

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The Biggest Hollywood Scandal

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Interview with a scandal

I am seriously nearly unemployed.  My whole blog revolves around scandals and interesting news from the stars and no one has done or said anything interesting since…… well the whole uncoupling incident… and that was just ho humm..

I had to find out why there was this lull in Tinsel Town.  What happened to the scandal?  I mean real a gritty scandal like an affair, a fight at a club between some rappers or a secret sex tape.  Where had they all gone??

If I have to read about my BFF Kimmy’s butt one more time and if the only news is that she is showing it again well, I most well start picking tomatoes to earn an honest living.

I went straight to the source and called up the Scandal herself:  This is how the interview went down.

Tamzen Temple: OK I want to get straight to the point.  Where have you been?  I mean seriously I rely on the stars and celebs to make ridiculous decisions and there’s been nothing… I mean nothing worthwhile reporting.

Scandal:  I’ve been in a hiatus for a while, to contemplate my retirement.  I have been around forever and I’m tired, worn out.  After the whole Arnie child thing, which I can tell you was just an average predictable act, I needed time out.

Tamzen Temple: Things have been very and I repeat, very boring in the Hollywood Hills.  There’s been nothing happening except for KKs butt or Kanye’s love affair with himself

Scandal:  Dreadful isn’t it.  I’m partly to blame.  In my time of resting I put my niece in charge. She’s young and silly and thinks that Miley Cyrus twerking and bare butts are news.  She’s a trainee, an apprentice in the world of scandals and has a lot to learn.

Tamzen Temple: Has she what!!

Scandal: In her defense,  things have changed though.  It’s a tougher market.

Tamzen Temple: How do you mean?

Scandal:  Well there are PR agents for the PR agents who have chaperones ETC for any celeb or star.  They are told what to wear, what to think, what to tweet or have minders doing all that for them. There’s little room for error these days.  If they do F%$* up we don’t always see.  In my day I would push through any obstacle and be there to make sure that illegitimate child would make their father pay and that every magazine would get a front page pic and made up quote.  I would be on the strip with the hookers learning tricks and telling them to wear redder lipstick, shorter skirts and which stars were easy bait.

Tamzen Temple:  Like who, where when…. I need to know…
Scandal:  Probably the one I’m most proud of causing is the Divine Brown, Hugh Grant one.  I did that one really for all the women in the world.   To show them that even the gorgeous Liz Hurley wasn’t enough for someone.  So really there’s a lesson there.

Tamzen Temple: How do you see that? I mean if she isn’t enough what hope do we have?

Scandal: That’s my point.  There’s no point in being perfect if this can still happen in a weak moment. Just be the best you that you are for yourself because shit happens in weak moments. Anyone is prone to me no matter how strong they are or if they have it all.

Tamzen Temple: Hmmm Ok, I kinda see your what you mean…  What would be the highlight in your career?

Scandal: Well I did enjoy meeting you in the whole Heidi Fleiss one.

Tamzen Temple:  Oh yes.  I was just in the wrong place and the wrong time.  I’ll tell my  Temple Tribe about that one soon.
Scandal:  I would have to say the whole Marilyn Monroe and President Kennedy was probably the most gliziest, juicy one.   The whole Woody Allen one and his step daughter turned partner was probably one that I’m not proud of.  I didn’t want to get involved in that one but I needed the cash and it was bound to happen anyway.  Political scandal, definitely the Watergate one…..

Tamzen Temple: Wow, you’ve caused a lot.

Scandal:  Yes, yes I have.  OJ was a very high profile gripping one that kept everyone glued to their TV…. but I’d have to say Rob Lowe’s sex tapes..  I mean talk about being in the right place at the right time.  He copped it on the chin and look at him now, he’s an absolute champion and a true talent.

Tamzen Temple: Are you going to return to work soon because seriously I need some material like that of the past.  I do not want to write about Kanye and my sister from another mister Kimmy again.

Scandal:  I will make a bit of a comeback purely to guide my predecessor a bit.   I need to give this new generation a little bit of class and some grit to what they’re doing.    I think Miley needs to shave her head like Britney, date one of her dancers  and shoplift like Winona to give her a bit of depth.  Kimmy needs to make headlines by getting her butt implants removed..  I can see the headline now:  “Kim K goes in to rehabilitation to learn how to walk again after adjusting to booty weight being removed and ruining her natural balance.”  Or this “Kimmy’s butt cheek removal feeds a third world country.”

Tamzen Temple: Their rather long and unbelievable headlines.

Scandal:  That my dear TT is the point of a scandal.  Unbelievable…, shocking and sometimes disturbing.  I’ll be back very soon.

I said a tearful goodbye to old Scanz, and hoped to see her in her full glory soon as I contemplated my next career move.

In the mean time I’ll slave away over the stove, vacuum the floors and wait for old pals Brad and Ange to return my calls about the rumors of Amal’s preganancy…..

Tick Tock…

Peace and Ommmm from the Temple

xoxo  Scroll scroll up near post title and click comment bubble or way down lower to share your favorite scandal and any other comments..

This is a Minterview

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