Chris Martin Uncouples the Truth To Tamzen Temple

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The Temple as you know, is everywhere, we were even at a hotdog stand a couple of months ago in the UK while we were catching up with Kate and Wills to congratulate them on little George.  BTW, he is divine but whilst I was on my way to the underground to catch a train I got a bit peckish.  There was this guy there that looked strangely familiar scoffing down three hotdogs with a thick shake like a starving coyote.  I could not let this opportunity get away and it changed the course of his life.  Here is what happened.

Tamzen Temple: Hey you’re Chris Martin.

Chris Martin: Yeah, that’s right. I am me.

Tamzen Temple:  Wow, my name’s Tamzen, great to meet you. We at the Temple love you, we love, love, love ColdPlay.

Chris Martin:  Cheers…..  The Temple? Oh wow, you’re Tamzen Temple.  Unbelievable, wait until I tell the band this one.  I can’t believe I’m meeting you.  You inspired me to get my life together Tamzen Temple.

Tamzen Temple: Really? How so?

Chris Martin: I woke up a few weeks back and thought do I really want to keep going along the same path with someone who won’t even let me have a French fry?

Tamzen Temple: What never?

Chris Martin: No Never!  I’m just trying to work out how I make to make the changes I want, the final break from Gwyneth and saw on your Temple site how you just told George firm and I realised that’s it.  I have to move on.  Me and Gwyneth are no longer meant to be.

Tamzen Temple: Oh, it’s that serious is it?

Chris Martin: Hell Yeah.  It’s all about HER career, HER three bean salad, HER GOOPY GOOP, HER ridiculous quotes, like ‘the rock talked to me’ and ‘told me to teach others’.  Once you start rolling your eyes at the one your with, it’s probably time to move on.

Tamzen Temple:  I’m sorry to hear that, but if you’re no longer fulfilled and have talked and tried to fix it, then maybe it is.

Chris Martin: Yeah, I just don’t know how to end it. One of us has to make the final decision, the big announcement.

Tamzen Temple: Just whatever you do don’t write it is with great sadness that we are parting ways, we still love each other but feel at this time it is best we live separately and pursue other interests.  Our main aim is to provide a safe and happy environment for our children……. DO you celebrities just have a stock standard template for breakups?

Chris Martin: Seems that way doesn’t it.

Tamzen Temple: Look I think, in Gwyneth’s defence, she’s just got things a little mixed in her head.  She does seem to be living in a bit of a Urownis world.

Chris Martin: How so?

Tamzen Temple: Well when I experience something new, I see it as a chance to learn more.  I realise how little I know about the subject and my assumptions before become void when I realise there’s so much more to know that what I first originally assumed. I open up to the universe to allow others to enter to tell me how it is, not assume I know it all like the GP does.

Chris Martin: Like what?

Tamzen Temple: Like Gwyneth, your beloved, has a child and becomes an immediate expert.  She’s not alone, most celebs do the same thing.  They know the best thing for them and all other children. Like what to allow them to eat, to only let them watch TV in Spanish and choose nannies who are bilingual, retired chefs who worked for the KJB to make sure these kids are ninjas in all areas.  Or how she came to the UK and immediately fits, which is great but then she shuns her homeland patriots for being too emotionally immature compared to the Brits. She is in her own world and not that of the mainstream so it’s a bit hard for her to fully understand where others are coming from.

Chris Martin: Yeah, she does tend to open her mouth a little too quickly.

Tamzen Temple: And that’s not a bad thing to be that confident and sure but I think you need to find a way to part that’s new, and in her head make it sound like it’s her idea.  I met Gwyneth a while back and she’s all cool but she’s a cashed up hippy who thinks she can show us all the way.

Chris Martin: Yeah so?

Tamzen Temple: I think you two just blended together, she even said so back then. ‘Oh Chris and I just blend like a beetroot and celery smoothie.’ Tell me, how did it all begin with you two?

Chris Martin: I dunno, it just happened, we just unconsciously became a couple, we hung out, she stayed over and before we knew it we had two kids.  I didn’t even realise fully until now, I woke up the other morning, Gwyneth was doing Yoga on the balcony, Moses came in and said Mum can I have an Apple in French and I thought, this is F%$#%.  Who are these people?  I mean I love the kids but she’s gone: a flipped out egg and quinoa salad.

Tamzen Temple: Tell her that.

Chris Martin: I can’t Tamzen Temple, she  goes to a zone if I use any negative words with her.  Like break up or separate, they’re either too negative for her or too common.  Even if I say the milk is empty, she comes out with, ‘no Chris it is a vessel waiting to be filled.’ Ahhhhh.

Tamzen Temple: Just keep it positive then, disguise it in a rainbow way.

Chris Martin: True, how ‘bout this. I say I am venturing into my own mind and want to explore the inner being of myself by transferring my mind and body to the east wing of the mansion. We stay living together, pretend everything is normal, because that is Royal way, we’ll most likely we’ll get back together but at least I can have some space from her nagging to clear my head.

Tamzen Temple: So you’ll say, ‘we are parting?’

Chris Martin: No part would be too permanent for her.

Tamzen Temple: How bout split,

Chris Martin: Hmmm banana split? She only let me have the banana, not the ice-cream and topping.

Tamzen Temple: Think Chris, it’s not the time to think about desert. Oh!! Desert her.

Chris Martin: I’m not leaving my little Apple and Jesus.

Tamzen Temple:  It’s freaking Moses Chis, your son is called Moses, not Jesus.  Just think.  Just go the whole divorce, get it over with.

Chris Martin:  No, I’ve already said, that’s to final, not just yet.

Tamzen Temple: Waddabout sever ties?

Chris Martin: We have kids, we are tied for life because of them.

Tamzen Temple: Far out this is a way harder than I thought.  OK you said you just unconsciously ended up together.  What if you turned that around and consciously made a decision to part.

Chris Martin: Yeah, that sounds a bit better but the whole part thing, like I said, she won’t go for it.

Tamzen Temple: Oh she sounds impossible, no wonder you’ve had enough.  How ‘bout you tell her a rock told you to unlink from one another?

Chris Martin: No, the kids thinks she’s nuts enough without them having to deal with their dad listening to the wilderness.  Hmmm unlink, connected together now not, sort of like trains uncoupling.

Tamzen Temple: That’s it.  I can see it now, Chris and Gwyneth: It is with great sadness we consciously uncouple.

Chris Martin: Tamzen Temple, now wonder people turn to you for amazing advice.   I truly think she’ll so go for that one. Consciously Uncoupling. I’m soon to be free.

Two days later I Gwyneth released her statement on her website GOOP that Chris and she were Consciously Uncoupling.

I smiled with a little sadness knowing it was me who helped set him free.  The Temple prays that Gwyneth thinks before she opens her mouth.  She is proof that even with all the superfoods and ancient grains she puts in, trash can still comes out.  We do hope she and Chris work it out.  I felt there was still a strong love and although they need this uncoupling time we at the Temple believe they will find one another in that big house and realise that each isn’t so bad but instead that all relationships evolve and grow  with a bit of sunshine and space. Chris, open up to the universe and realise there is never just one wrong party in a break up, we hope you find what you’re looking for and chances are it’s Gwyneth.  We all should speak up sooner if we’re not happy and things could have been saved.  We hope all these star couples who work apart for extended periods find a balance and keep things in perspective.  A word of advice Gwyneth, just let Chris do his thing, don’t become a Yoko and we know you are extremely talented in acting and not a bad singer we must say, but take a leaf out of the Guru’s book.  He is rather talented in many things too but gives me the space to do my thing and supports me through knowing I will do the same when his time comes.

Ommm and peace from the Temple.

Copyright and Disclaimer

This was a Minterview

To read my interview with George Clooney, Click HERE

Chris Photo:

Gwyneth Photo:  AndreaRaffin2011.jpg

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