The Facebook Showdown
Tamzen: Hello Mr Zuckenberg
Mark: The name’s Mark.
Tamzen: Thanks Mark, call me Tamzen. Now there’s a heap of outrage at the moment that you’re going to cut Facebook into sections. One section for 16-35 year olds and another section for 35 and above. What is this about?
Mark: Simple there are too many parents complaining about what they discover their kids are doing. Like all the selfies, suggestive posts, butt and boob shots that appear. The teens and twenty somethings have no shame.
Tamzen: Well, what about the 35 and aboves?
Mark: Simple there are too many kids complaining about what they discover their parents are doing. Like all the selfies, suggestive posts butt and boob shots that appear. The over 35s have no shame.
Tamzen: Umm You just said the same statement and changed the ages around.
Mark: That’s right. That’s how simple it is.
Tamzen: Right. So you’re saying I can’t be friends with my stepson Jordan who is twenty.
Mark: No no no! You’re not getting it. You can be friends with him but can never access any of his info or look at his page.
Tamzen: That’s ridiculous and defeats the whole purpose.
Tamzen: It means my partner won’t be able to check up on him to see where he is at any given time. Who he’s hanging out with, where he’s been, what he’s eating; all that stuff.
Mark: Exactly. I’m turning the clock back to the good old days where teenagers could go missing for days without their parents checking up on them or controlling their behaviour by posting embarrassing comments like: Where are you? Do you think that’s appropriate? You’re grandmother may read this! Language young lady! And so on and so on.
Tamzen: Well in the reverse how is it benefiting teens and under 35s from not being able to access their parent’s status?
Mark: Are you really that stupid?
Tamzen: No I’m not stupid.
Mark: Ok let me ask you. What was your last status?
Tamzen: On my personal page it was my little boy Bronzy in a tree. It was so cute……
Mark: Boring!!!!! Who wants to see that, or know that someone is having coffee or how much you love chocolate cake, or that you lost 2 kilos, or that you just got your car serviced or that your husband bought you flowers???? Who who who would possibly be interested in the mundane of their lives? Certainly not teenagers, possibly not the 20-30s and over that they get too depressed from the 30-35 who may be involuntarily single or childless looking at your perfect life.
Tamzen: Having a child or being in a relationship doesn’t mean a life is perfect just as not having them doesn’t make an unfulfilled life and my life is certainly not perfect.
Mark: I know. I saw the comment Micko made about your hair.
Tamzen: How? You’re not friends with myself or Micko.
Mark: I run the show. I am a bit like God. I can access anything I want; direct people in their social changes by adding a simple like, relationship, location or tag icon.
Tamzen: I hate when people tag you when it’s not you but a sales page that sells shoes.
Mark: Yes the location and tag ones were a deal I made with the feds to track the idiots who put their latest conquest on. From some ‘unemployed’ person who deals, posing with their brand new unaffordable car to whose got what drugs by some punk teen posting, “lookin tonight, whose got sum?’ With all those in between that commit small time felonies then boast of their connections by tagging, hey I’m with Charles Manson. Ha ha, they should call it idiot book. They, the feds, now, thanks to me, know who those losers are with and where.
Tamzen: Well they really are you. You created it, you should call it that, and Charles Manson is in jail.
Mark: Yeah but he’s got a Facebook page and idiot book wouldn’t really be a great marketing idea.
Tamzen: Charles Manson has a Facebook page! That’s disgusting, abhorrent actually.
Mark: His wife runs it for him, nearly sixty thousand followers.
Tamzen: What!? How is that even allowed?
Mark: Look I’m just the messenger,
Tamzen: No you’re not, you created all this.
Mark: As I said I’m like God, I can’t control everything, just as he can’t stop the famines and floods. I can however distract people with mass advertising targeted just to them for a nice little fee, that is if they can steer their eyes away from a kitten stuck in a tree or a cute little baby giggling. Oh it’s ironic, Manson and babies and weight loss…. It’s all there.
Tamzen: I have to move on, I’m too utterly disgusted that someone like Charles Manson has Facebook page. Right…. I have noticed you have a page for business purposes with millions of followers but you don’t have a Facebook page, at least not a public one, there are heaps of ones about you but you don’t have one. Is that because you don’t have any friends?
Mark: F&^% you.
Tamzen: I wasn’t being nasty, I just want to know why. The Temple wants to help you find your way.
Mark: I know where I am, I just checked in and have my location on.
Tamzen: Ok this is hopeless, I think that’s all we need for now. Can I come back and talk to you again in the future, see where Facebook is at?
Mark: Friend me and we’ll see.
Oh blessed his Facebook soul and I wish he would stop poking me already. Ow!!
I hope that all my Facey friends go over and like Tamzen Temple. Ohh we pray for all they are missing out on. Thank you to all the Canadians and Americans that are following, oh and if you didn’t get the latest post, we lost a few of you through tech faults with the updates, please press subscribe if you missed out on this through your mail. Subscribe, Tweet, Facebook, Pinterest, burp, oops excuse me, like, share and spread the Temple word. Just be nice OK!!
Ommmmm and friend to all Tamzen xoxo
This is a Minterview
Photo credit: Brian Solis