I have a guy I work with ask me if Tamzen Temple was my old stripper name. I’m here to tell you Cuba, no it isn’t for the tenth time.
We all have past lives to reveal and I’m not talking about reincarnation but parts of our lives that have now past, are over. For those of you who were blissfully unaware that I had a life filled with other duties prior to being appointed Temple Queen, I’d like to fill you in on one of them.
Aside from chasing Bronzy with scissors to get his fringe out of his eyes and shaving the Temple Guru’s head to allow luck to absorb in better, the hairy chapter of a stylist that I once lived is over.
I thought I could makeover anyone and most took my suggestions when it came to their hair. It came down to one man that just refused to listen to my sound hairdressing advice that drove me to the edge and forced me to throw the hairdressing towel in. Years of Donald refusing to cut his comb over just wore me down. Mr Trump, you ruined my hairdressing career, I could no longer be associated with that hair and be taken seriously.
To this day I have nightmares of your hair coming to life and attaching itself to my face, smothering me to death. Please if you never let me cut it, I beg you to just let someone else do it. You are not Samson, you will not lose any charm or charisma, (Hmmmm bout that) or wealth or power. The Temple prays that you just cut the dam thing off and part amicably.
Anywho, back to some excellent advice from a now destitute, unemployed hairdresser. I thought I would inform my readers of things that really peeve a hairdresser off. By not doing any of the following will almost guarantee you great hair. Do you really want to aggravate the person in charge of your locks? If not keep in mind the following.
25 Peeves of your hairdresser/ stylist / hair technician
- Clients that don’t show up
- Clients who are late and pretend they are not.
- Walk in clients that want a haircut and you’re booked out, who tell you ‘it will only take 5 minutes’.
- Clients that have no faith in the ability of their hairdresser.
- Clients who say, “do whatever you want,” then say no to any suggestions and have the same as what they have had for twenty years.
- Clients that think going in for a colour with hair that hasn’t been washed for two weeks as they have been misinformed that the color will ‘take’ better.
- Balding men who comment “you should charge a search fee.” We have heard that one ‘like’ one billion times.
- Too much personal information. We definitely don’t need to know your cycles or about the abscess on your butt.
- Men who ask for you to trim their nose hairs. I’m sorry but we do ears and your neck but draw the line on snot hair.
- Clients who take their shoes and socks off and put their feet on walls.
- Clients that want you to recreate their hair exactly like the picture of Angelina Jolie but look like Mr Snuffleufagus. We are not miracle workers, we can make you look the best you that you can be. Accept that and love yourself for who you are.
- Clients that sit with or on top of their children during a haircut.
- Clients that feed their children lollies to assist in the haircut when their children are quiet content.
- Clients that tell their children it won’t hurt, putting fear into the child that we are some psychopath attacking them with scissors.
- Clients that hear their children screaming or kicking the stylist but decide it’s better not to interfere as they catch up on the latest goss in the mags.
- Clients that answer their phone or make phone calls while you are doing their hair.
- Clients that put it on loudspeaker thinking it is appropriate for the whole salon to hear their conversation with their potty mouthed aunt.
- Clients that ask if they can pay next week. (No you can’t ever!! You can return a dress but not your hair)
- Clients that ask you to color their 3 year old’s hair. (no you freak, your child is perfect and don’t even think about putting chemicals on someone that young)
- Clients that think you are mind readers. We don’t know what you want unless you tell us.
- Clients that move their heads constantly throughout the service.
- Clients who say they are happy and love the style you have given them but then change their minds the next day or so after but forgot to let you know, who then expect you to redo three weeks later for free which is one week off their next haircut then get annoyed if you charge them even though they know it is salon policy.
- Partners whether it be husbands or wives, girlfriends or boyfriends that come in with their significant other and direct you on how to cut their hair. Ummm they are adults and this is what we call controlling. They have a voice and can talk to us themselves and do not need supervision.
- Partners that hover as they think all us female hairdressers may hit on their significant others. Ladies, he’s not that hot, he’s not our type and we will not hit on your partner, we have no interest in them other that providing them with great hair and a pleasant experience all for a fee.
- Clients that groan in pleasure when you wash their hair. Umm it makes us uncomfortable when you say, “Oh Tamzen, oh that feels great, oh Tamzen scrub harder. Oh yeah that’s it hmmmmmm.” Eeeeekkkkk!!! We feel tainted after this.
Oh I pray for all those hairdressers who are still suffering due to their clients being oblivious. We send them positive hair thoughts and hope that by educating the masses there will never be another bad hair day for salons around the world.
Ommm and Peace to all.
And Donald, well I have nothing more to say to you.
Hampster, you’re really cute and we hope you get a promotion off DT’s head soon.
Hey but what about those things hairdressers do to annoy the clients.. see HERE
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Donald Trump image: uncyclopedia.wikia.com click here to view source
Hampster image: Juliet Van Ree click here to view original
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