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I have a guy I work with ask me if Tamzen Temple was my old stripper name.  I’m here to tell you Cuba, no it isn’t for the tenth time.

We all have past lives to reveal and I’m not talking about reincarnation but parts of our lives that have now past, are over. For those of you who were blissfully unaware that I had a life filled with other duties prior to being appointed Temple Queen, I’d like to fill you in on one of them.

Aside from chasing Bronzy with scissors to get his fringe out of his eyes and shaving the Temple Guru’s head to allow luck to absorb in better, the hairy chapter of a stylist that I once lived is over.

I thought I could makeover anyone and most took my suggestions when it came to their hair. It came down to one man that just refused to listen to my sound hairdressing advice that drove me to the edge and forced me to throw the hairdressing towel in. Years of Donald refusing to cut his comb over just wore me down.  Mr Trump, you ruined my hairdressing career, I could no longer be associated with that hair and be taken seriously.

To this day I have nightmares of your hair coming to life and attaching itself to my face, smothering me to death.  Please if you never let me cut it, I beg you to just let someone else do it. You are not Samson, you will not lose any charm or charisma, (Hmmmm bout that) or wealth or power.  The Temple prays that you just cut the dam thing off and part amicably.

Anywho, back to some excellent advice from a now destitute, unemployed hairdresser. I thought I would inform my readers of things that really peeve a hairdresser off.  By not doing any of the following will almost guarantee you great hair.  Do you really want to aggravate the person in charge of your locks?  If not keep in mind the following.

25 Peeves of your  hairdresser/ stylist / hair technician

  1. Clients that don’t show up
  2. Clients who are late and pretend they are not.
  3. Walk in clients that want a haircut and you’re booked out, who tell you ‘it will only take 5 minutes’.
  4. Clients that have no faith in the ability of their hairdresser.
  5. Clients who say, “do whatever you want,” then say no to any suggestions and have the same as what they have had for twenty years.
  6. Clients that think going in for a colour with hair that hasn’t been washed for two weeks as they have been misinformed that the color will ‘take’ better.
  7. Balding men who comment “you should charge a search fee.”  We have heard that one ‘like’ one billion times.
  8. Too much personal information.  We definitely don’t need to know your cycles or about the abscess on your butt.
  9. Men who ask for you to trim their nose hairs.  I’m sorry but we do ears and your neck but draw the line on snot hair.
  10. Clients who take their shoes and socks off and put their feet on walls.
  11. Clients that want you to recreate their hair exactly like the picture of Angelina Jolie but look like Mr Snuffleufagus.  We are not miracle workers, we can make you look the best you that you can be. Accept that and love yourself for who you are.
  12. Clients that sit with or on top of their children during a haircut.
  13. Clients that feed their children lollies to assist in the haircut when their children are quiet content.
  14. Clients that tell their children it won’t hurt, putting fear into the child that we are some psychopath attacking them with scissors.
  15.  Clients that hear their children screaming or kicking the stylist but decide it’s better not to interfere as they catch up on the latest goss in the mags.
  16. Clients that answer their phone or make phone calls while you are doing their hair.
  17. Clients that put it on loudspeaker thinking it is appropriate for the whole salon to hear their conversation with their potty mouthed aunt.
  18. Clients that ask if they can pay next week. (No you can’t ever!! You can return a dress but not your hair)
  19. Clients that ask you to color their 3 year old’s hair. (no you freak, your child is perfect and don’t even think about putting chemicals on someone that young)
  20. Clients that think you are mind readers.  We don’t know what you want unless you tell us.
  21. Clients that move their heads constantly throughout the service.
  22. Clients who say they are happy and love the style you have given them but then change their minds the next day or so after but forgot to let you know, who then expect you to redo three weeks later for free which is one week off their next haircut then get annoyed if you charge them even though they know it is  salon policy.
  23. Partners whether it be husbands or wives, girlfriends or boyfriends that come in with their significant other and direct you on how to cut their hair.  Ummm they are adults and this is what we call controlling.  They have a voice and can talk to us themselves and do not need supervision.
  24. Partners that hover as they think all us female hairdressers may hit on their significant others.  Ladies, he’s not that hot, he’s not our type and we will not hit on your partner, we have no interest in them other that providing them with great hair and a pleasant experience all for a fee.
  25. Clients that groan in pleasure when you wash their hair. Umm it makes us uncomfortable when you say, “Oh Tamzen, oh that feels great, oh Tamzen scrub harder. Oh yeah that’s it hmmmmmm.” Eeeeekkkkk!!! We feel tainted after this.

Oh I pray for all those hairdressers who are still suffering due to their clients being oblivious. We send them positive hair thoughts and hope that by educating the masses there will never be another bad hair day for salons around the world.

Ommm and Peace to all.

And Donald, well I have nothing more to say to you.

Hampster, you’re really cute and we hope you get a promotion off DT’s head soon.

Xx Tam

Hey but what about those things hairdressers do to annoy the clients.. see HERE

Hey all you fellow hairdressers, while your here you can subscribe for free Temple updates (subscription box in the right column) and if you think of anymore tips you can scroll to the bottom and leave your invaluable advice. Alternatively you can email them to tamzentemple@gmail.com

Make sure you share through the links below so we can spread the word and make our workplace a better one.

Donald Trump image:  uncyclopedia.wikia.com click here to view source

Hampster image: Juliet Van Ree click here to view original

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6 Comments
  • Sue Coletta
    October 24, 2014

    This is so funny and, sadly, true. My favorite line was: I’m a beautician not a magician. Somehow I managed to get all my comb-over clients to see the light. And D.T., they were MUCH happier afterwards. For God sake, pleaseeeee cut that hair!!! I once had a very wealthy woman come in all serious and ask if she could talk to me in private. When we walked into the back room, she suddenly ripped off her blouse AND bra, grabbed my hand and shoved it onto her “new boobs”. “Do these feel real to you?” she asked. I tried to yank my hand away. I couldn’t look at her and I bloomed into a cold sweat. “Uh…” was all I managed. “Come one, please,” she continued. “Your opinion matters to me. I thought since you were a profession you’d give me an honest answer.” Without anything left to say– I wasn’t getting my hand back until I said something– I responded, “Yeah. Sure. They’re great. Can I go now?” That apparently made her happy and she FINALLY released me from my hell.

    So my addition to your list is this: PLEASE, people, do not show us your “new boobs” or any other body part for our “professional opinion”. We went into cosmetology to work on hair. We are not your doctor, your shrink, or your bar tender. Stop asking us questions that make us never look at you the same. We will book up real fast when you call.

    Great post, Tamzen. I loved the shampoo sink antics. So true! I’d immediate get shifty eyes, turn a bright red and then stop, worried that they’d climax right then and there.

    • Tamzen Temple
      October 24, 2014

      Oh so funny. Definitely adding no body part handling. Thanks for that one 🙂

  • Pinky Poinker
    October 25, 2014

    I think I’m a bit guilty of no. 11 sorry. I have really fine hair and the hairdresser always says, “You do realise this model had a lot more hair than you.” I know it’s my fault though… and I’m always on time 🙂

    • Tamzen Temple
      October 25, 2014

      I think we secretly all do it at one stage. I exempt you and allow you to continue this. 🙂

      • Sue Coletta
        October 25, 2014

        When clients brought in a picture of Farrah Fawcett in that red swimsuit (how many times have you seen that one?) I used to cover-up the body and then ask, “Now what do you think?” Nine out of ten said, “Oh, okay, maybe it’s not so great.” The cotton tops always brought Barbara Walters– but they only had three hairs! Lots and lots of teasing. And spray. Or how about when they bring in a model who’s standing in front of a fan? That always killed me. I’d take my blow dryer, aim it toward their face and say, “There you go!” We had a lot of fun. Man, the memories these posts have brought back. Thank you!

        • Tamzen Temple
          October 25, 2014

          That is so funny. My mum gave my sister a home Farrah perm found in a women’s magazine. (Ummm there was no perm on Farrah) I love the fan, I might get a rechargeable one to take everywhere to give me that model look. So glad you enjoyed. A cosmetician not a magician, classic to. Your pictures of those animals is also classic which keeps drawing me back to your blog, along with your awesome words. Thanks Sue. 🙂

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