The Guru and me looking a wee bit too serious and grumpy in the aftermath of Hurricane Bronzy……
I often receive emails asking about the Temple Guru. Tell us more about him, who is he, why is he so handsome and what bars can I find him at??? Well Miranda Kerr, I will not tell you any of these things and will give you just the one warning. Stay away from my Guru. I know he was most likely the reason for your break up but he is far too dedicated and in love with me to give you a second thought and the tattoo of you on his arm is almost gone with the laser treatment.
Anywho for all my lovely reader friends I tried to get the inside scoop on him in a impromptu interview with the man himself.
Tamzen Temple: Hello Guru.
Guru: Why are you saying hello? You just gave me a kiss and said good morning five minutes ago.
Tamzen Temple: Yes but now I’m interviewing you for the Temple.
Guru: Ahhhhh great. Yep, just what I feel like doing on this Sunday morning.
Tamzen Temple: So Guru. How are you feeling about the world today?
Guru: Um well there are dishes everywhere that appeared from nowhere. It’s been raining for days so our lounge is full of clothes hanging and Hurricane Bronze had demolished any area that was tidy.
Tamzen Temple: And this bothers you?
Guru: Well, let’s just say most Temples are a little tidier than this on a Sunday.
Tamzen Temple: Yeah, agreed. But what do we do? We could loan him out for the day.
Guru: Not a chance.
Tamzen Temple: OK, back to the interview. Now how do you feel about being the partner of an incredible Temple Queen like myself?
Guru: Are you serious?
Tamzen Temple: I know. Take your time, this answer requires deep thinking as not many can fathom the absolute honor of being in your position.
Guru: Do you think 9.30 is too early to start drinking?
Tamzen Temple: Are you avoiding answering?
Guru: Not at all. I just have an enormous urge to drink and do the housework at the moment.
Tamzen Temple: Ok I’ll do the lounge, you do the kitchen.
Guru: Sounds great. Just stay in there and I’ll see you this afternoon.
I don’t know why the Guru avoids my interviews. He is rather an interesting character. He is a rough and rugged tradie that rearranges the furniture to create better Feng Shui. He folds the clothes perfectly yet finds it impossible to pick up his dirty socks.
He very rarely takes the bins out, mainly because he saw the episode of Underbelly (for my international friends it was a series about the underworld of Australia) where a crim got shot doing that same task: So to play it safe from any of his dark past he says it’s safer for him not to do this ever. (Bin nights allow hitman to know exactly when to make a hit)
The Guru also refuses, or chooses to ignore that we have supermarkets in the world and may only venture to one a couple of times a year. He is ignorant when it comes to supermarkets and thinks that the food he eats just appears in the cupboard or fridge. Yet he always asks for random things like special puffed wheat cereal or magic berries with heaps of antioxidants and jam doughnuts. Contradiction Guru!! (BTW If you want these special foods go shopping yourself!!)
He wants to be an actor, or should I say, he is one and the neighbors must sometimes wonder about our lives when he screams lines from the Godfather or Taxi Driver.
Oh I pray for my lovely Guru that George does the right thing and makes a final gesture of peace to us by calling Micko the Guru for Ocean’s 14. We also hope that our Temple may one day be tidy for more than ten minutes.
Ommmm and Peace from the Temple xx
How messy is your Temple? Scroll, scroll down to let us know your comments.
Me and The Guru on a picnic relaxing a few years back before
Hurricane Bronzy arrived.
We got bragged about. Click the pic below to see where.
This was a Minterview