Santa Reveals All
December is here and I thought it only fitting that I interview the one, the only Santa. I thought it would be impossible to get him to agree but surprisingly he jumped at the chance to have a chat to discuss the bigger issues of Christmas.
Tamzen Temple: Wow. Welcome Santa. We really appreciate you being here. We realise you must be extremely busy this time of the year.
Santa: No, no not really. Things have been a bit quiet to be honest.
Tamzen Temple: But it’s December and Christmas time is here. Isn’t that the busiest time of the year for you?
Santa: Ummm well it used to be but things have changed.
Tamzen Temple: Could you explain what you mean? What about all the presents, the elves slaving to get them out on time?
Santa: You watch to many movies Tamzen Temple. It’s not like that anymore. Kids want Smart TVs, Xboxes, Ipads, mobile phones and vouchers… I hate the vouchers.
Tamzen Temple: Yes, I find vouchers a little less jolly, but still……
Santa: Even worse, cash. I mean the way things are I’ll be obsolete in say ten years. I want to make this statement. We at the North Pole make good old fashioned toys and gifts. We do not venture into electrical or technological products and we definitely do not make sneakers or send out recharge vouchers.
Tamzen Temple: I see what you’re saying. Do you think Christmas has lost the magic a bit?
Santa: Absolutely. There was a time kids would ask simply for a doll, bicycle, a drum or skates. I cannot deliver 5 billion flat screen Televisions for their rooms knowing they’ll lock themselves away from their own family. I will however make anything that encourages imagination, books to read, anything to get them outside or to play or a musical instrument to make their homes noisy. That Tamzen Temple is what Christmas is about. If they want all those other tech presents I’ll let the parents take care of it.
Tamzen Temple: You’re making me a little teary here Santa. Well what about the letters you receive? Doesn’t that give you a bit of hope?
Santa: Bah Humbug. It goes to head office now and they just churn out an automated response back to the kids making it personal by adding their names. They refuse to send any snail mail replies unless the parents include a stamped self addressed envelope. That’s probably why Australia Post has gone broke. Well that and they never actually stamp the stamp. Those elderly pensioners across Australia are reusing them.
Tamzen Temple: Sad times Santa in what should be a cheery season.
Santa: I’ll be redundant, unemployed at…. well I won’t tell you my age but a lot of us oldies don’t have a hope of getting employment with the young they’re up against.
Tamzen Temple: I must say Santa, you look a lot different to what I expected. You’re not big and jolly and….is that beard fake?
Santa: You got me. With all this spare time I get to work out now. I lift weights, do cross fit, chin ups…. I’m the fittest and most buff I’ve ever been. Check out this.
It was at this point Santa removed his red jacket and beard and wig. I was speechless seeing the incredibly handsome face revealed. He was a cross George Clooney with Sean Connery. (Nowhere near as handsome as my Guru though) Hot Santa!! He flexed his muscular guns and I knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas…..
Ooops sorry, I got off track there for a moment….
I thanked Santa for showing me all he had achieved with his new look. I will still be putting out milk and cookies for him, or maybe a protein bar instead.
Don’t lose the Christmas magic this year. Make it a simple one, buy local if you can, share the love and what is most important Chistmas day is to surround yourself by loved ones, eat too much and count every blessing you have.
Peace and Ommmmm and a Ho Ho Ho from the Temple. xoxoxo
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