Royal Blogger Fraud

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Bogus Blogger Exposed

OK here it  is. I’m going to give the expose hey straight up.  I was recently asked to give an interview with Clarke Lane  about my amazing blog, the even more amazing me and the awesome advice I give… or don’t give…

Anywho I obviously thought it was to be featured in the Who Weekly’s Most Intriguing People but instead it was merely a ploy to tarnish my already tarnished yet highly polished, glossy  name.

Here is the interview from the Daily Sun.

Pancakes Can Cure

Says the Fake Queen!!

Temple Queen or biggest scammer in history?  Tamzen Temple arrived at the small inner-city cafe wearing her casual black clothes straight from the hills hoist minus her tiara.  Looking relaxed yet extraordinarily attractive she sat and asked straight up for the menu.

“I’m always hungry and like to order within five minutes of sitting down.” Ms Temple explained.  “You don’t want to wait for food any longer than necessary.”

After months of scouring through  various birth records on royal bloodlines across several countries I asked Ms Temple about how she felt about being exposed as a fraud. Many documents were examined over a two year period and The Daily Sun is the first to uncover the truth. Tamzen Temple is not a Temple Queen and not living in a Temple at all. Her response to my allegations was far from appealing.

“Of course I’m not a royal Temple Queen you freaking moron.  If you took even two seconds to look on my site you would know this.  I am the Queen of my Temple.  Now a Temple is otherwise known as a home.  So every woman in their home should be known as a Temple Queen.  They are the glue of the monarchy.. Just look at the actual Queen… you don’t think the old Duke of Edinburgh is the Araldite, or Superglue of the palace?  He doesn’t even compare to Clag and couldn’t keep his mind together let alone a broken tiara.”

With a compulsion to talk faster than the speed of light, it was difficult to make sense of the redheaded beauty that dazzled me with her witty charm.  She made absolutely no sense with the babble that came out of her mouth as I quizzed her further about her dark past and of her non-royal bloodline.

It was uncovered that the mother was a groupie before turning into a street walker and then a high class hooker.  Her father unknown due to the wild ways and inability of her mother to put the dates together with band tours.

“Well she, my mum Vera, is possibly the one who has the most direct links to royalty.  I mean she was very discreet and all but….I suppose that tattoo of the British flag with a little crown on top makes sense now… She liked to get a tatt for each of  her greatest conquests or should I say clients.     I’m yet to decipher them all.  She has a tattoo of a SULTANaaah… OMG I just worked that one out…”

But what about all her followers who hung on her every word, each piece of advice she gave believing that she offered them a world of peace and wisdom through her Temple Teachings?  With over five million followers in Australia alone there has been concern that the Temple Tribe of this incisive yet bizarre blogger may have been mislead on a number of occasions.

“Ummm look to be honest, I offer nothing.  I’m not a mummy blogger who gives great parenting advice..  actually can you remember if I had my little man Bronzy  with me when I entered..? Or did he stay home with the Guru..?  Hmmmm.

Anywho.. I’m not crafty nor do I travel a lot.  Except to see the celebs and stars of course but all the details are taken care for me by my PA Kim Groman.  I actually have no idea how to even buy an air ticket… so no advice given there.

As you can see my pants are on inside out, a common mistake I often make and the tag to my shirt is visible so it definitely shows you I am not a fashion blogger offering styling advice.

I do though occasionally share my epic food fails so I suppose I do give advice on what not to do in the kitchen and well…… My tagline for my blog actually is that I provide people with ‘a mass of useless information you may never need with the occasional insight to brilliance.”

She sat vacant, unresponsive yet with an alluring exotic look  in her eye as I hit her with the question on everyone’s lips.  What about the false claims she makes in curing sadness with pancakes.  Whilst many have agreed with her, advice in this area it is yet to be medically proven.

Pancakes cured me from my sadness and I stand by that statement. Although I am not often sad probably because I eat them also as a preventative measure.   They will make anyone happy.  But they should include a warning which I don’t believe it is up to me to give but if I did it would be “excessive consumption of pancakes especially with unscrupulous amounts of butter and maple syrup will make you fat.  As I have said on a number of occasions, (pointing to her robust butt, stomach, thighs and hips)  this is not baby fat… everyone blames the baby.. It’s pancake fat….”

There it is out in the open.  It was actually always out.  I never kept anything hidden I in fact believe that anyone who is a journalist interviewing someone should do their homework more than checking a blog post or Instagram account.  

It was later revealed that I have Ficticious Disorder   not to be confused with Facticious Disorder that a recent health blogger fraud claims to have.  On a serious note, if you do have any problems and need to talk to someone call LIFELINE.

I believe that there should be more honest people in the world like myself and my great friend I have never met but believe is unfairly ignored like myself Ronnie Peace.  He too lives an honest and true life making no secret of his faults and understandably self admiration.

Do you love pancakes?? I’d love to know your take.  Scroll scroll down to let me know and don’t forget to join the Temple Tribe.  My five millionth follower gets to spend the day with me.  Just leave your email in the ‘you’re adorable’ section and you become even more adorable. xx

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This is a Minterview

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46 Comments
  • Cheryl @blissandmayhem
    May 1, 2015

    Gold! Love it! Thanks for the giggle.oxox

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 1, 2015

      Thanks for the visit.. I really do need a bit of bliss from all this mayhem still….

  • Nicole Davis
    May 1, 2015

    Hilarious we always have pancakes for brekky when kids have friends over or Sundays or for tea or well yep I agree they make you Happy!!! Hail pancakes x

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 1, 2015

      Yes I am extremely funny and also stunning to look at… As for pancakes they are not funny just really delicious and considerate to my emotions.

  • Meg
    May 1, 2015

    I love pancakes. I believe you could be right about curing sadness with pancakes. Especially if you serve them with ice cream and sprinkles. 🙂

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 1, 2015

      Oh sprinkles….. they do shower down and make the whole world a better place.. paired with pancakes they are a force to be reckoned with….Yummmm. Thanks Meg for reminding me of sprinkles..

  • Ronnie Peace
    May 1, 2015

    Holy shitballs, I’m famous! Mum! Mum! Read this right here, you said I was a lazy good for nothing, but looky here – Queen Temple of the Tamzen Temple just mentioned me!
    I’ve just quit my job (again) and now I can kick back and wait for the royalty cheques to roll on in!
    Thanks for the shout out! You’re the best!
    (* I’ve already done my ‘!’ quota for this month just here).

    That sultana gag was hilarious. Or, should I say, that sultana gag was grape. ..was (a) grape.
    Great.
    I like my pancakes with sultanas. Or, with mango and chocolate. HONEST.

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 1, 2015

      Yes definitely quit your job….and ride on fame for a while… and it wasn’t a gag.. my mum Vera really does have a sultana tattoo… I always thought it was because for her love of grapes but now this and so many other things are making sense…. peace and ommmm from the Temple.

  • Sam
    May 1, 2015

    Loved this post. Made me laugh and picture the whole situation. Who doesn’t love pancakes it’s like icecream solves everything

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 1, 2015

      Oh the comfort of these foods… Together like peas and carrots… Thanks Sam

  • Charlotte Lea
    May 1, 2015

    i absolutely loved this post! I was chuckling all the way through – loving your royal humour. Pancakes absolutely do cure sadness! It’s a remedy I myself have used many times over. Love pancakes with butter and lashings of…hmmm, saying lashings just made my mind wander to other pleasurable pursuits…oh, pancakes…yes, with maple syrup and crispy bacon. Total happiness follows. Thank you for your amazingness.

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 2, 2015

      You are not a Good Girl at all, you are an awesomely, wise, mindwandering, crispy bacon, lashing one with excellent insight to my amazingness. Thanks oh so much. xx

  • Fluffy
    May 2, 2015

    Of course pancakes cure sadness… as does champagne…. mmmm pancakes and champagne… oooh champagne pancakes….
    Thanks for linking up at Champagne Missives – we love a giggle x

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 2, 2015

      I really think I should approach a doctor to write a medical paper on this actual fact… I will include champagne in this as I do believe the two are equal in their healing power. We love heading to yours for a visit as you guys are rather freaking amazing.

  • Gael - The Vinyl Edition
    May 2, 2015

    Pancakes are our ‘special occasion’ breakfast – birthdays, Christmas, etc. Gotta be honest, I’m getting a bit tired of them. I would prefer croissants with grilled cheese, ham and tomato. A festival of fat.
    Great parody, as always, Tamara. Love the detail.

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 2, 2015

      Yummm croissants and grilled cheese…. I might buy some and fill my croissant with a pancake with sprinkles and crispy bacon whilst drinking champagne and that would solve my dilemma of abandoning my faithful friend for a pastry….

  • Amy @ HandbagMafia
    May 5, 2015

    Hehehehe! Love it!

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 5, 2015

      Thanks Amy… I really do think we are parallel opposites… You write totally raw amazingness on the big issues and I write the ridiculous… So thanks for visiting the Temple.

  • Pinky Poinker
    May 5, 2015

    I think it’s more than the occasional insight to brilliance Tamz. Love your hair by the way. We have some oil burner things that are pancake flavoured, that’s what they’re called. They permeate the house with the delicious aroma of pancakes and aple syrup. I burn them in my classroom as well and the kids constantly moan about how hungry they are. They don’t have many calories but then again they’re not very filling. Hail to the Queen xx

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 5, 2015

      Oh that’s just crazy a pancake smell….. I would just eat the oil as I have no control!!!

  • Fran
    May 14, 2015

    Brightened up my day!

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 14, 2015

      Thank you Fran. As your lovely colourful Instagram pics brighten mine.

      • Fran
        May 18, 2015

        Gosh thanks, I always get surprised when someone likes my pictures. Made my day.

  • Natalie @ our parallel connection
    May 25, 2015

    Your advice on nothing always helps me out … Lol

  • Zoe | A Quirky Bird
    May 29, 2015

    Ah but, my pancakes do cure hunger!!!!

    Love it chick. Zoe xx

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 29, 2015

      You understand then.. I mean if I’m hungry I’m sad ..eat pancakes then BAM… pancakes cure hunger and then I am no longer sad. Thanks for visiting the Temple you quirky bird… We love your nest it is truly awesome.

  • Lisa Kniebe
    May 30, 2015

    Absolutely unexpected and unserious! Loving my first experience of the Tamzen Temple, will visit again #fridayreflections

    • Tamzen Temple
      May 30, 2015

      Well thank you very much.. We take being unserious very seriously and look forward to your next visit.. I’ll put the kettle on now. xx

  • cath
    June 1, 2015

    Pancake fat! So that explains it. Loved this post…my first genuine laugh of the day here.

    • Tamzen Temple
      June 1, 2015

      Why thanks… It’s true, I can no longer blame the baby as he is four… I take full responsibility for my robust thighs…. Yummm pancakes…. 🙂

  • Tina Bangel
    July 28, 2015

    Love your honesty! Love pancakes too especially made by my neighbour who spread s the perfect layer of nutella on it!

  • Alyssa
    July 28, 2015

    I do love me some pancakes, and they make me happy too! Especially when they’re covered with delicious toppings!

  • Kylie Travers
    July 28, 2015

    Lol. Pancakes are a cure all!

  • Rachel Stokes
    July 28, 2015

    Thanks for the laugh .. I love your blog!! Fake claims of curing sadness with pancakes .. ha ha .. Might try the pancake cure next time my teenage daughters are telling me how miserable they are.

    • Tamzen Temple
      July 29, 2015

      OH yes Rachel.. They work incredibly well on teenangers. One pancake and they will begin to smile. Two they will tell you that you’re the best mum. Three with maple syrup and they will do all the housework.. The power of the pancake…

  • Jenny
    July 28, 2015

    What a fun blog! I really enjoyed it.

  • Amy
    July 28, 2015

    Oh lordy I NEED pancakes now! Thanks for the laugh. I love your style xxx

    • Tamzen Temple
      July 29, 2015

      Everyone needs pancakes at some moment in their life. Thanks.

  • Filipa
    July 28, 2015

    Hey!! I loved the post it made me laugh and seriously it was so funny!!

    • Tamzen Temple
      July 29, 2015

      Thanks Filipa. But it was a very serious post….. Pancakes are extremely serious you know…

  • Alysha Herrmann
    July 28, 2015

    It’s 2am and now I just want pancakes!

    Loved the ‘interview’. Excellent, excellent.

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