Last Sunday, on a mini holiday in Sydney, the Temple Guru and myself went to the supermarket to gather some supplies. He wondered off at the registers, probably to search for that elusive jam doughnut that seems to now be extinct, (according to him) but returned when I was loading myself up with green bags to head back to the car.
As always by this stage I was in a bit of a fluster with three year old Bronzy chatting up the cute sixteen year old cashier whilst pushing every button on the eftpos machine and a pushy old man trying to hurry me up from behind. The Guru returned and I threw him a twelve pack of toilet paper and launched Bronzy onto his shoulders picking up the rest of the bags with one arm while the other became lost in my oversized bag searching for the keys.
“Mummy. What am I doing up here?” Bronzy asked.
“Just stay there and hold on mate, ‘til we get to the car.”
I looked up at Bronzy who seemed higher than usual then down at the Guru’s face.
He looked at me with his head tilted sideways and did his signature single eyebrow raise like I was asking him for the world by him doing the mundane that I do each week.
“Guru, just help me would you?” I said frustrated giving him the keys. I’m certain that he thinks that toilet paper just appears on the roll delivered by the Temple Gods.
We walked a little and made it to the car. He popped open the boot and I took the toilet paper off him throwing it in.
He sounded different. “What are you talking about, Guru?”
I looked again closer, “Oh, you’re not the Temple Guru. Mr Johnston! You’re the Rock…..”
“But who is this Guru you’re talking about?”
“Oh he’s my lovely other half, my partner in crime, Micko,. You look kinda alike actually, I mean obviously a lot a like or I wouldn’t have thrown my child on your shoulders. Only he’s more handsome and now I look closer, you’re probably twice the size of him. Are you from a paranormal giant land that creates huge beings with big guns and handsomeness?”
“No I just work out.”
“You know, I’ve always said to Micko the Temple Guru, if anything should ever happen to him that you’d be the only replacement that would match up in handsomeness and personality.”
“Why thanks, but I’m happily single at the moment I’m purely concentrating on my career.”
Bronzy was playing the drums on his shiny head as he stood oblivious.
“Oh don’t worry, he’s not going anywhere and he’s the only Temple Guru for me. You two have a lot in common though: You’re both bald.”
“Yeah, I know that I’m bald, thanks for stating the alarmingly obvious.”
“Bald is good and you’re both way to handsome to have hair covering your domes. You both have lovely olivy skin, actually who says olive, I mean olives are green aren’t they and you or the Guru are not green. So I suppose you and he have a deep, rich latte complexion, probably more a mocha tone. Then there’s those arm, you both have muscles but I see know yours are freakishly massive.”
“I’m all natural.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you are. You and the Temple Guru are both born in May which means you’re both Taureans, perfectly matched to Capricorns like myself.”
“How do you know when I was born?”
“Well if you are to ever replace Micko, I had to do my research and make sure you were the perfect star sign for me.”
“Like I said…..”
“Actually if you are looking for love, I’ve got the perfect girl for you. There’s a Temple Queen across the seas named Mariam. I’m not sure what star sign she is but she is stunning, super intelligent and has a multitude of skills such as a being a beauty expert, studies law and writes. She’s amazing. She lives on your side of the world so the location for love would be better you know, filming schedules, across the seas oh and I’m Ying and the Guru is my Yang so don’t ever think you’d have a chance with me, just ask George.”
“I totally wouldn’t think that or want that and well as I said, I’m quiet ok on my own. But thanks and who’s George?”
“Don’t worry about him. Tell me, what are you doing here in OZ anyway? Ohhh that’s right. I read you’ve been filming an earthquake film here in Oz. How’d it go?”
“Yeah, not bad….. hang on a minute. Micko the Temple Guru. Hey he’s the guy that originally got the role I’m playing but he’s agent said his schedule was too busy. Something about some crazy Temple woman and him having to serve her every need.”
“Yes he does look after me well. Some say I’m a little demanding but it takes a lot to run a Temple but the real deal breaker was we checked and his stars weren’t really aligning for stardom the week the shoot started, so we allowed you to take on the role instead as we checked and they were in perfect formation for you.”
“Oh, I see. Yeah, right. Strange but you Aussies are a bit of a crazy bunch.”
‘”So what else have you done since being here?”
“Oh not much. Just filming mainly and the gym, work on these machines.” (flexes his muscles) “I’m also here to promote my other film, Hercules.”
“Sweet. Hercules, yeah, I’d say you’ll pull that one off, convincing I’m sure. Hey, ya gotta see some of our animals.”
“Yeah I actually wanted to get to see a kangaroo or one of those bears.”
“They’re not bears they’re called koalas.”
“Yeah, oh they are pretty cute their little fluffy ears and all. Hey don’t tell anyone I said that right!! I have a tough, rugged yet soft suave image to uphold but not a fluffy loving bear one.”
“I promise I won’t. I’ll even organise it for you. I have friends everywhere.”
“Thanks Tamzen Temple.”
“Ha! I knew it. You knew my name.”
“Ok, I’m a fan. Ommm and Peace.”
“Hey that’s my line. You Rock, Dwayne Johnstone.”
He removed Bronzy from his shoulders and walked away giving Micko a high five as they passed. It was only the next day I realised he must have taken one of my bags and left one of his instead. I am looking a lovely shade of mocha coffee with the fake tan that he purchased and left with me and I’m sure that cucumber peel and pink nail polish of mine will work a treat on the Rock.
Peace and OMMMMG he is as lovely in person in every way from the Temple
This was a Minterview
Photo credit of The Rock : Instagram: therock